Love is a Game, and I'm Gonna Play it
by beefandrice
Summary: My love life was shit, then I met a magical pink fairy who promised to help me turn it around. No I m not crazy or high, just really unlucky; or perhaps really lucky. I guess we'll just have to find out. How hard can it be? Huniepop Protagonist x Everyone
1. Prologue: I Suck at Love

I'd like to think that I have a good life.

Actually no, scratch that; I have a GREAT life. And I'm not saying that to brag or anything, but rather to point out that I am well aware that I'm the last guy who should be complaining about anything.

Granted it wasn't easy at first, a bit of a rough start to be honest. Fortunately I had a mother who was both caring and dedicated enough to make sure that I never went hungry. We didn't have many—or any for that matter—luxuries but we made by. I was gifted with smarts, but at the same time I was raised to appreciate the value of hard work, and because of these two things I was able to excel in school and graduate as valedictorian. I got accepted into a more than decent university where I met a lot of friends and I found my passion for designing, both on paper and electroncally, and through hard work and determination I managed to graduate with honors and a degree in design, specializing in web and graphic design. Not only that, but some scouts for a major company picked me up soon after that and I managed to prove myself to them and their higher ups as an asset for your company. Now I have my dream job as a marketing design, where I get to work at home and pretty much set my own hours. I get paid more than enough for it, to the point where I managed to pay off my student loans by myself. Not only that, but I also manage to make some work on the side through commissions such as electronic portrait, web designing, etc. I have my circle of friends with whom I get along with and I even get time to myself every now and them. So yeah, to saw that my life is "good" would be an understatement. My life is great.

There's just one problem: my love life is shit.

Wait, that's not true; if it were shit that would imply that I had a love life at all to begin with. Truth is, my love life is non existent. You ever see that sitcom about the "nerds" facing wacky every day situations in the "real life" with catchphrases and shit like that? (For the life of me I can't remember what it's called) You know the one thick glasses, bad hair, and several game and comic t shirts? Take away the god awful laugh track and the perky blonde neighbor and it would be just a awkward and depressing mess. So yeah, my love life in a nutshell.

Now I know what you're thinking: "oh boo fucking hoo, you're biggest problem in life is that you can't get a date. I have debts out my ass and I have to eat cat food to get by." I know, I know, my life problems are trivial when you really look at them: and for the most part I don't dwell on them that much. I just live my life and enjoy it to the fullest. It's just...well it's hard not to think about it when your friends and family constantly point it out. "When are you getting a girlfriend? Why aren't you putting yourself out there? Are you gay? You can tell us, we won't judge." And when I try to fix it, it goes...wrong. Like horribly, horribly wrong. On the several occasion I tried talking to a girl I have stuttered myself into a compromising situation, completely froze until she left awkwardly, shattered a wine glass in my hand requiring stitches, and even fell down and hit my head against a table.

And those were the good ones.

Now this is usually the part where the "nice guy" complains about how society is to blame and how all women can't see their great qualities because they just want some over muscled jerk to treat them like shit, but I like to think I'm not like that; really I got no one else to blame but myself for the predicament I'm in. I'm not going to pin my problem on women, what the hell did they ever do to me? My problems are my own, and I've come to terms with that.

It's just...well...

Just because I've come to terms with it doesn't mean I don't get lonely...

* * *

"To the greatest graphic designer this side of town!" Tom laughed while raising his beer. The other guys cheered and laughed as the did the same, all while patting me in the back.

"Guy, guys, please. You're embarrassing me," I laughed shaking my head, "you're making a big deal out of it."

"That's because it is a big deal ya dick!" Hector laughed clinking his bottle with mine, "you just designed the new company logo for the biggest electronics distributor in the tri state area. You just landed a five figure paycheck in a week."

"And as your friends it's our jobs to make sure that you spend that money wisely. By the way, you're paying for these drinks," Gus ruffled my hair playfully.

"Whatever would I do without friends like you guys?" I chuckled amused pushing my hair that had fallen in front of my eyes, "but seriously though, was there any need for us to come here to celebrate?"

"What are you talking about, this place is great," Tom gestured at the lounge around us. I had to admit, it was a nice bar and lounge. Calm ambience, smooth jazz in the background, a fully stocked bar, and the décor was gorgeous.

"I'm not saying it's bad: hell this is probably the best place I've hung out with you guys in a while."

"Hey, what about my apartment last week?" Gus asked indignantly.

"Sorry let me rephrase that; this is the best place I've hung out with you guys."

"Blow me," Gus punched my arm as the other guys laughed.

"I'm just saying we could have easily had this celebration at my place. Pulled out some beers from the fridge, order some food, play some video games before passing out. I appreciate you guys doing all of this for me, but you really didn't have to."

The guys didn't say anything, instead giving each other sly smiles and doing their best to hold in their laughs.

"Guys...what is going on?" I asked, my suspicion rising.

"There might be...another reason why we brought you here," Hector said while giving me the biggest shit eating grin.

"What are you—"

"You're getting laid tonight man!Woooh!" Tom cheered.

"WHAT?! You can't be serious!" I started to panic, "oh god...oh god."

"Guys why don't you leave us alone for a while," Hector said to the others, "you know, before you guys cause him to pass out."

"No problem. Anyway, congrats man, see you later," Gus patted my back.

"Here," I felt Tom's hands move to my shirt pocket and putting something in, "you'll thank me later," he said with a wink before he and Gus left the lounge.

"I can't believe you guys did this..." I muttered, wringing my hands tightly.

"Look I know you've had bad luck with women before, and I know you said that you were going to deal with this by yourself; but we both know that's just a load of horse shit. If we left it up to you, you'd just end up couped up in your apartment alone for the rest of your life. You need help, and as your friends it's our job to help you."

"Like the time you set me up with your cousin Maria?"

"Yeah what happened there? The day after your date she called and yelled at me through the phone for 15 minutes straight before hanging up on me. I barely understood a word she said."

"Let's just say the date went up in flames," I muttered embarrassed.

"Oh come one I'm sure you're just exaggerating."

"I wasn't; I literally set her dress on fire by accident after knocking over the candle at out table."

"Jesus Christ dude..."

"Would you believe me if I said that was the highlight of the night?"

"Okay look, it doesn't matter. That was my mistake, I realize that now. I was trying to set you up with someone I thought you would like, and that turned out horribly. But tonight's going to be different. This time you're going to pick the girl."

"Oh do explain," I said sarcastically.

"Look at this place: it's exactly the kind of setting that you like. Sociable, but not jammed packed with people. Quiet and classy ambience, meaning you won't be dealing with coked up airheads. And music that is more for a nice relaxing conversation rather than random grinding and macking. This place causes people like you to be comfortable, lower their guard. You're bound to find someone that more your speed here."

"So your expecting me to find someone "like me" and that I will somehow magically convince this person "like me" to come home with me? Do you not see the flaw in that plan?"

"Look, forget about Tom said. He's just busting your balls like usual. I'm not saying you have to bang someone tonight, but maybe just meet a nice girl, buy her a drink, strike a pleasant conversation and maybe get her number. There's more to dating than sex you know."

"Not according to Tom apparently."

"Tom's a dick and we both know it," he said laughing, "look, we've know each other since fresh men year in college. You're a great guy, maybe a little shy and awkward, but a great guy none the less; and I know for a fact that you do want some sort of relationship in your life. We all do, it's in our nature. So let me help you."

"I-I don't know man."

"Look just take your time, I'll leave you so that you can plan out your next move. Just give it a shot, you've got nothing to lose," he patted my shoulder before getting up and walking towards the exit.

"What makes you think I won't just leave once you're gone?"

"Well you could, but it's going to be a bit hard without your car," he grinned holding up a familiar set of keys in his hand. I quickly checked my pocket only to find that my keys weren't gone.

"I could just call a cab."

"Check your other pocket."

I did, finding only my credit card. I looked up and saw him holding my wallet in his other hand.

"Oh you mother fucker..."

"We'll send a paid cab in an hour; until then go and mingle!" He laughed before bolting out the bar.

"God dammit," I groaned burying my face in my hand. I seriously considered just walking out the place and making my way through twenty city blocks in order to get home. Couldn't be any worse than this right? I mean between getting mugged and possibly stabbed or trying to talk to a girl, the former one would probably be less hazardous to my health.

"I need a drink," I said to myself while heading to the bar. I pulled out my credit card and gestured the bartender, "could I have a shot please?"

"A shot of what?"

"I don't care, just bring me something and leave the bottle. I think I might need more," he shrugged and pulled out a blue bottle and a small shot glass. After he was done pouring I gulped it down in one go, ignoring the burning sensation it left on my throat and stomach. I handed him my card, "just put it there. The whole thing; give yourself a 50% tip too."

"You got it boss," he said, his tone changing completely after that last part.

 _One hour. I just need to stay here for an hour and then I can leave. Hopefully. All I need to do is stay here for an hour before that asshole sends a cab._

 _Although...maybe it wouldn't hurt to try talking to someone..._

I took a look around and saw that the place had a variety of people, both men and women, hanging around. Some were talking, some were dancing, and some were just chilling. The atmosphere was calm, a slight hint of formal to it but not suits and cocktail dresses type of formal. I looked down to see my own slacks and black polo; perhaps not the best outfit for the occasion, but certainly not the worst. Probably could have combed my hair a little better, or at all for that matter. Maybe put on my contacts, even if I hate the damn things.

 _Okay just stay calm,_ I thought pouring myself another shot gulping it down. I grimaced at the taste and leaned onto the bar, spreading my arms and grabbing the edge, _just walk up to someone and start talking to them. Just, talk to a girl. I can do this._

My grip tightened on the bar.

 _I can...do this?_

My knuckled where practically white at this point.

 _Oh god...I can't do this..._

"Hi there!"

I spun around only to see a young girl smiling at me. She was about half a head shorter than me, fair skinned, short brown hair, and emerald eyes. She was wearing a red cocktail dress that ended slightly above her knee and hugged her figure closely.

 _Wait is she talking to me? Oh god she´s talking to me. Just...say something...SAY SOMETHING YOU IDIOT!_

"HI HELLO!" I blurted out loudly.

…

…..

…...

 _You goddamn moron..._

"Wow okay," she laughed nervously, "could I get you to maybe take it down a notch? I´m right here."

 _I'm gonna fuck up,_ _I'm gonna fuck up, I'm gonna fuck up, I'm gonna fuck up..._

I could practically feel the sweat pouring down my back and my legs start to shake.

"S-sorry I-I just don't t-talk to many girls," I managed to choke out.

"Well you're talking to one now champ. My name is Kyu; nice to meet you," she smiled sweetly.

"I-I-I..."

"What about you? What's your name?" She asked.

"I...I literally can't remember my name right now..."

… _YOU FUCKING FAILURE!_

"Riiiiight. We'll try that again later," she as her tone changed to one of concern, "look dude, are you going to be all right? Looks like you're having some trouble holding it together."

"Oh, no I just...uhh I just," I swallowed nervously.

 _Look if she still here after all that shit it means you still have a chance. Just offer her a drink. OFFER HER A DRINK!_

 _"_ Drink! I mean, do you like drink? To drink? I have drink, here..."

 _Just kill me, just kill me, just kill me..._

"Sure, sounds great! Why don't you pour yourself one two, looks like you need it more than I do," she giggled.

"Right, right!" I forced a laugh while grabbing the bottle. Unfortunately I my grip was shaking so when I brought it forth I dropped it on the floor, causing it to shatter and spill everywhere. Kyu yelped in shock and jumped back, catching everyone's attention.

"What that fuck man my floor!" The barman yelled.

"Sorry sorry! I'll clean it up!" I grabbed some napkins and began to mop up the mess furiously.

"Here let me help," Jyu bent down in front of me.

"No, no, it's fine. I got this," I shook my head as I continued to mop furiously, "just...don't worry I got this...I'll be with you in a moment."

And then a condom fell out of my shirt pocket and onto the floor, right in between us.

I swear the entire lounge when dead quiet, and it felt like every pair of eyes was upon me. If it weren't for the strong smell of alcohol inches away from me, I would have probably passed out from sheer shame.

 _"Here. You'll thank me later."_

 _Goddammit Tom..._

Kyu picked up the codom and held it up, giving me a sly smile, "planning on getting lucky tonight champ?"

 _...that's it I'm done._

I got up and grabbed my card from the bar, ignoring the death glare the bartender was giving me. The girl looked up at me, giving me a sympathetic look, "hey man I didn't—"

"Sorry I should just go," I mumbled, my face crimson red from embarrassment. I made my way through the lounge doing my best to ignore the stares and snickering around me.

 _I'm going home. I don't care if I have to walk twenty blocks, I'm getting out of here._

I stepped outside to the sound of thunder above me. I looked up just in time for a massive downpour of rain to come crashing down hard with not sign of stopping.

"Really? That all you got? Why not add something else?! There is no way this night can get any worse! Try me!"

And then a car whizzed by splashing water and mud all over me, including my still open mouth.

"….WELL FUCK YOU TOO ASSHOLE!" I yelled flipping both birds to the sky.

And with that I stormed back home.

* * *

After the hour long walk in the rain I managed to get back into the apartment and take the elevator to the penthouse where I live; a lot of people would argue that renting a place like that is just an excuse to flaunt how much money I have, and to those people I say "feel free to blow me." It's my money and if I want a nice apartment, I'll pay for a nice apartment.

Anyway I tossed my soaked clothes in the washer and decided to leave them there for the night. I got into the shower and turned the hot water on, not wanting to get pneumonia anytime soon. Though after tonight dying doesn't seem all that bad.

 _Why am I so bad at this?_ I sighed and turned off the water, grabbing my towel and drying myself off, _maybe the universe is trying to tell me something. Maybe I am gay; I always did think Hector was hot for a guy._

I tried picturing that scenario but shook my head, realizing that wasn't the case.

 _I guess I just suck at girls. Maybe I should write a book with that title...nah, it probably wouldn't be that good._

I put on a dry pair of boxers when I thought I heard something on the balcony. I stepped out of the bathroom and headed to the balcony, noticing that the sliding door was slightly opened. I checked outside only to be greeted with darkness. Shrugging my shoulders I closed the door and locked it before heading to my room and jumping into my king size bed and tossed my glasses onto the night table, not even bothering to put on my night pants. Fuck it, I was exhausted.

 _Besides,_ I yawned and closed my eyes as I slid under the covers, _it's not like anyone's here to see me..._

* * *

 _ **Author's note: okay so I can explain.**_

 _ **I was working on the other two Fire Emblem when my boss said, "hey we need you to go abroad to this conference." So I said yes and seeing how I had A LOT of waiting time between flights I decided to bring my copy of Fire Emblem to play. I was in the final level of Birthright and I figured I'd finish it and then start Conquest the next day.**_

 _ **It took my 23 tries to finally beat that level. TWENTY. THREE. TRIES. The amount of bullshit I suffered those 23 times would have been enough to fertilize a god damn compound. If it weren't for the fact that I was playing a limited edition game on a limited edition 3DS, I would have smashed the thing with a hammer. But I'll talk about the game later.**_

 _ **So I needed a break. I'm not going to give up on my fics or Fire Emblem for that matter. I just...I needed something to cool me off. I needed something that I could work on with no limitations, where I could just write however I wanted without worrying about how it turns out.**_

 _ **Enter this abomination: a Huniepop fanfic shot in first person point of view that is just as vulgar and crude and the game. From now on this will be my therapeutic fic. Whenever I need some release, I'll write this. Just don't expect much. It's going to be mostly based on the game and it's dialogue choices with some creative liberties for the narrative to flow. It's going to be rude, it's going to be crude, and it's going to be lewd. So mature rating.**_

 _ **Anyway you know the drill. Leave comments, critiques, suggestions, and whatever else you want. Bye**_


	2. I Do Believe in Fairies! I Do! I do!

"Hey, you! Rise and shine! We got work to do."

"Mmmmnngh..."

"I said, GET UP!"

"Go away, I was having the best dream," I mumble without even bothering to opening my eyes.

"I bet you were," I heard the person giggling right before I felt a hand smack me in the crotch. HARD.

"MOTHERFU-" I fell out of the bed before I could finish, grabbing my groin in pain. I reached up to the night stand where my glasses where, gritting my teeth in rage, "I swear to Christ Hector you better start running because I'm going to murder you!"

"I wouldn't do that if I were you."

I froze, _that's not Hector. Or any of the guys._

I finally put my glasses on and looked up. Standing before me was a girl. A girl wearing a light pink dress (though it looked more like a nightie) that ended right over her thighs, with bubble gum pink hair, and piercing emeral eyes.

Oh and a pair of wings.

…...

…...

…...I took off my glasses and wiped them off before putting them on again to make sure I was seeing right; sure enough there was a girl in pink with wings standing in my room while I was sitting on the floor in my boxers. Also I was pretty sure she just smacked my junk.

 _Gonna be one of those dreams,_ I took of my glasses and put them back on the night stand before crawling back into bed.

"Ummm hello? I'm still here," the girl said confused.

"Yeah well you're not real. So why don't you pull in the magical pink elephant you flew in with, or whatever the fuck it was, and let me go back to sleep so that this dream can end," I muttered pulling the covers back in my head, "I need to stop drinking before going to sleep..."

Suddenly I felt the covers being torn off of me. Before I could complain I felt something pushing me down and pinning my arms over my head before straddling my waist. I looked up only to see two dark green eyes staring straight into my soul.

"Still think this is a dream?"

"There's a scantily clad girl in pink with wings straddling me in my bed; how could this be anything but a dream?"

She sighed and shook her head, "guess I don't have a choice."

*SMACK*

I felt my cheek sting in pain as the girl slapped me across the face. I was stunned, my mind trying—and failing—to process what was going on. One thing was for sure: that slap, and the pain that followed, were definitely real.

 _That means...this isn't a dr—_

*SMACK*

"OW!" I yelled after she slapped the other side of my face, "WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT?!"

"That was for ignoring me earlier," she stuck out her tongue.

"Stop slapping me and get off me before I—" I suddenly froze, my mind finally catching up to what was actually going on.

 _There is a girl in my apartment..._

 _There is a girl in my bed..._

 _There is a half naked girl straddling me in my bed..._

I could feel the blood rushing to my brain threatening to blow it into overdrive (as well as other parts of my body that will not be mentioned). My head began to feel very light and the room was spinning around me.

"Hey, hey! Don't you pass out on me!" The girl snapped her fingers in front of my face.

Too late, my eyes were already rolling to the back of my head.

"God damn it," was the last thing I heard before everything went black.

* * *

A rush of cold water pouring over me jolted me awake, causing me to cough and hack as some of the water went into my mouth.

"Wakey, wakey, eggs and bakey!" A sing song voiced chirped in front of me. I looked up and saw the same girl from before smiling at me while holding a now empty bucket over my head, "nothing like a cold shower to start the day!"

"That wasn't so much a shower as just some crazy bitch dumping a bucket of water over my head," I muttered.

"I'm sorry, would you rather it be boiling water? Because I would have no problem with that," she puffed her cheek in annoyance.

"Just give me the bucket—gah!"I tried to grab the bucket from her only to find my hands were constricted. Looking down I realized that I was no longer in bed, but strapped down to a chair with my arms and legs tightly bound with a lot of rope, "did you...did you seriously tie me to a chair?"

"Well I had to make sure you didn't pass out on me again and it seemed like the most sensible choice."

I sighed and closed my eyes, "all right fine, let's just get this over with. I don't have any money in the house, I just keep everything in the bank. You can take the computer and my phone if you want, I'm sure you can get a good price for those. I think I got some nice silverware in the kitchen if you—"

"Oh my god, shut up," she pinched her nose in annoyance, "I'm not a burglar and I don't want any of your shit. Just calm down for a second and listen."

"Fine, then untie me."

"Sorry?"

"If you're not going to steal anything and you don't want to hurt me, then untie me."

"I would, but I get the feeling that you would just try to run away and call for help."

 _Okay so she's definitely not stupid, I have that against me..._

"But I'll tell you what: I'll untie one of your legs as a sign of good faith. All I ask is that you listen to what I say, and then I'll untie your other limbs. Deal?"

"Do I have a choice?"

"Not really, no."

"Then deal."

"Good, now we're getting somewhere," she knelt down and I could feel the binds on my left leg beginning to loosen and unravel.

"Okay, now let's get the obvious out of the way: who are you and what are you doing in my apartment?" I asked flexing my leg once it was free.

"What? Don't you recognize this adorable face?"

"Actually no. I can't see shit without my glasses so right now I'm just seeing a pink blur," I answered calmly.

"Oh. Gimme a minute," she walked off towards my bed, looking for the aforementioned eyewear, "whoa, this things are thick! Just how blind are you?"

"Very. Please don't play around with—"

"Ack! So strong! I can see the fucking future in these things!" She suddenly appeared in front of me again, placing the glasses on my face, "man your vision must suck all kinds of ass."

"Thank you," I said bitterly, trying to focus now that I had my glasses back.

"Anyway as a show of good faith, I'll untie your other leg," she said getting to work on it

As soon as my vision cleared she was done untying me, causing her to bring her face extremely close to mine, making me feel even more uncomfortable; yet there was something about her that seemed oddly familiar.

"Now that you mention it... have we met before?"

She giggled and placed a finger on her cheek while giving me a coy wink, "it's Kyu, from the bar. Remember?"

"Wait...you mean from the bar last night?"

"Yep."

My memory immediately brought forth images of a young woman with messy brown hair, a red cocktail dress, and no wings. Not surprisingly, the images I was remembering did not match up with what I was currently staring at. So I was, understandably, a bit skeptical; that being said I was also tied and bound to a chair so I decided to play along lest something bad happened to me.

"Right, Kyu. Dumb question, why is your hair pink?"

"Because that's my natural hair color, duh."

"Yeah but you had brown hair last night. Also, you didn't have wings."

She ruffled my hair, "clever disguise right? I can change my hair color to whatever color I want. It's pretty sweet."

"So can everyone else. It's called hair dye."

She frowned, "well you're a dick. What I was trying to get at is that I can do it with magic."

"...excuse me?"

"If you can't tell by now, I'm a fairy. Well, a love fairy to be exact."

 _Oh good lord I'm dealing with a lunatic,_ The best thing I could have done at the moment was just play along, calmly agree with everything the crazy girl said, and hope that she would eventually leave.

But I'm not exactly the smartest bulb in the shed when it comes to tense situations...

"Ooooh a love fairy. Well why didn't you say so?" I said before I could stop myself, sarcasm oozing from every word that came out of my mouth, "since you were honest I feel like I should be too: I'm actually a magical platypus that rides rainbows on a skateboard."

She narrowed her eyes at me, sending a chill up my spine as I was sure that she was going to hurt me for that last remark. Then, her face scrunched up as her lips began to quiver and her eyes began to water.

"H-hey I didn't mean to—"

"You're so mean!" She cut me off, stomping her foot on the ground, "I just wanted to help you and you...you...you're a jerk! Whatever, I don't care anymore!" She stormed out of the room.

"Wait, untie me!" I called out in vain while I struggled against the ropes holding my arms down. I heard a door opening, but realized that it wasn't the front door. Looking up I saw that she was standing outside my balcony; or rather, over the railing outside my balcony.

"HEY!" I yelled getting on my feet with the chair still strapped behind me. I waddled as fast as I could towards the balcony, "GET DOWN FROM THERE!"

She jumped off.

I screamed and charged out the door and into the balcony, though I knew it was pointless; we were roughly 30 stories high, and with the head start she had I would be lucky if I saw anything but a pink and red stain in the pavement.

 _Oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god... I am so going to jail...also someone is dead._

Tentively I looked over the railing to check the damage.

Only to be greeted by a pair of emerald eyes and a shit eating grin looking up at me, "boo."

"GAH!" I jumped back and fell on my back with enough force to shatter the chair. I groaned in pain, every muscle and bone in my body flaring up.

"So, do you believe me now?"

I looked up and saw Kyu floating in the air in front of my balcony, her wings fluttering so fast that they were basically silver blurs behind her. I lifted my hands to my face—still tied to the broken pieces of the armrests by the way—and rubbed my eyes furiously to make sure I wasn't seeing things. I wasn't.

"You're...a fairy..."

"Again, love fairy."

My mind was practically about to break in half, if it hadn't already; after all, everything so far suggested that I was insane. So, as it was, I had three choices: go with whatever was happening, ignore it and turn myself in to the nearest mental clinic, or jump off the balcony.

"Okay, I'll bite: what exactly is a love fairy?"

"Good question, I'm glad you asked," she fluttered back into the balcony and landed gracefully in front of me. She extended her hand, "why don't we go inside? It's getting a little chilly for my taste."

"Yeah that tends to happen when you're not wearing pants," I eyed her pink nightie; though to be fair she did have amazing legs.

"Doesn't seem to bother you," she grinned. I cleared my throat nervously and took her hand, getting up and making my way back inside the apartment with her following me.

"Anyway, you were saying about being a love fairy?" I asked untying the broken armrests from my arms and sitting down on my bed.

"You see, as a love fairy, it's my job to help poor saps like you out with the ladies. It's just what I do. I don't like to brag, but I'll have you know I have a very impressive track record. All of my previous clients are basically walking babe magnets."

 _Thank god you don't like to brag or else I might have thought that sounded pretentious..._

"You though," she cleared her throat, "how to put this gently...let's just say you will be my greatest accomplishment yet. My Mona Lissa, my Sistine Chapel, my Cambel´s Tomato soup if you will. It won't be easy, but if there's any fairy that can pull it off, it's me; oh who am I kidding? I am the ONLY fairy who could possibly pull this off."

I just sat there silently, barely able to process everything that she just said.

"Uuummm, hello? Did you get all that?"

I shook my head, "sorry, I just...I'm still having hard time processing the whole fairy thing. It kinda crushes my reality."

"Oh for fuck's sake," Kyu rubbed her temples in annoyance.

"Look forgive me for no immediately being fine after learning that fairies are real and that there is one in my bedroom right now. It's a little jarring to have your whole world view suddenly flipped over its head. It would be like finding out that aliens or animal people are real."

"Oh they're real."

"...what?"

"Aliens and animal people. They're crazy real, just like fairies."

"But...how?!"

She shrugged, "I'm a fairy, not a god. Though I could always aske the goddess of love if she knows anything."

"So now gods are real too?"

"Duh."

"….gimme a minute," I fell back into the bed, closing my eyes and taking a deep breath.

"You okay there dude?"

"Oh yeah, I'm totally fine. I always have an existential crisis at...actually what time is it?" I looked over at the clock on my bedstand, "5:30!? Why in god's name did you wake me up so early?!"

"Because we—or more accurately I—have a lot of work to do, and so far you haven't been making this any easier."

"What work?"

"Gods, what is it with you and all the questions? Can't a fairy help a brother out? Why can't you be like my other clients and just shut up and do what I say? They loved that."

"It comes with being a cynical asshole."

"No shit. Anyway, let's get down to business. How many dates have you been on?"

"I'm sorry what?"

She sighed and rubbed her temples, "okay here's how this is going to work; if I ask you again I'm gonna smack the shit out ya."

"Okay, okay!" I said raising my hands in case she decided to follow her threat.

"Good. Now answer the question."

I could feel my face getting hot as I look down to avoid looking at her in the eye, "well...you know...and amount."

"...oh my god. It's worse than I thought isn't it?"

"Depends, how bad do you think it is?"

"I don't know, I guess I was expecting one of those guys that does nothing but jack off to animated girls while playing dating sims and has never actually been closer than 20 feet from an actual woman that wasn't his mom. Though clearly you are worse; I mean seriously, a hot, half naked fairy appears in your "dream" and the first thing you do is go back to sleep," she snickered

For some reason that got to me. Maybe it was the way she said it or maybe it was just my anger at the whole situation finally overflowing. Either way I felt any potential embarrassment I had left leave my body and be replaced with anger.

"Okay back the fuck up, because you are wrong," I got up from my bed and pointed right at her smug face, "for your information, I have been on dates; in fact, I' e been on plenty of dates. They just turned into horrible disasters that resulted in the girl being hurt, both physically and emotionally."

It took me about a minute to realize what I had just said.

"You know now that I say that out loud, it doesn't sound all that impressive."

"Nope."

"In fact that just made it sound worse doesn't it?"

"Yep."

I put down my finger, which had been pointer at her the entire time, and did my best to suppress the blush I could feel crawling up my face, "well, this has been fun. Now that I have completely embarrassed myself again I'll just go to the kitchen and slit my wrists."

"Oh no you don't," she hooked her arm with mine and grinned, "not after that breakthrough you're not."

"Breakthrough? What are you talking about?"

"You do have a spine, meaning that there is some hope for you yet. I'm guessing that if we can make it come out more often, you might actually have a shot with the ladies. Will it be hard? Yes. Will it be impossible? No. Will I be able to do it? You bet your ass I will. Just give me a chance."

"Listen Lady, I appreciate the vote of confidence, even if it was a bit condescending, but trust me when I say that you are wasting your time. I've had friends and family try to help me, and they've all failed miserably. You may mean well, but good intentions aren't enough to solve this mess."

"Geez aren't we conceited? Look dude, I'm not doing this because of well intentions or from the bottom of my heart. I'm doing this because it's my job, and jobs pay. The harder the job, the greater the reward. I'm not doing this for you, I'm doing this for me."

"In that case I take back everything I said except the part of you wasting your time. That stays."

"Dude, you're failing to see the point here. I have an actual incentive to help you. The better you do, the better I do. Plus, in case you've forgotten, I AM A FAIRY. Meaning I literally have magic ready at the tip of my fingertips. The way I see it, I might be the last chance you have to try and change your sad excuse of a love life and save you the time and money you will eventually spend on a mail order bride. So what do you say?"

"...you think you can actually help me?"

"If I didn't I wouldn't be here."

 _...I can't believe I'm doing this._

I sighed, "fine."

"Really?! Oh my god yes! Yes, yes, yes!" She let go of my arm and started jumping up and down the room.

"You seem oddly enthusiastic about this."

She realized what she was doing and stopped, clearing and throat and composing herself, "right, sorry about that. Anyway, let's get to business. First, I gotta see what I'm working with here."

Before I could ask what she meant she snapped her fingers and I felt my boxers drop on to the floor. I cried out in surprise and instinctively put my hands over my crotch.

"I said I needed to see what I was working with," she huffed in annoyance.

"Fuck no! There is no way you're looking at my dick!"

"Gee, I wonder why you're still a virgin?" She rolled her eyes.

"Oh blow me!"

"First time you've said that to a woman."

"...okay I walked right into that one."

"Ugh this is taking to long so forget it. I'll just check everything else," she began circling me, inspecting every part of my body closely. To say that I was feeling uncomfortable would be an understatement.

"Well it's definitely not bad," I heard behind me, "I mean you are in decent shape. You work out?"

"Just swimming and jogging three times a week plus eat healthy" I mumbled.

"Well it definitely shows. You've got a nice swimmer's build, especially your back," she patted my shoulders playfully, "though maybe you could use a little more muscle, especially your stomach. You need abs and fast, though it shouldn't be that hard; I mean you have like almost no body fat on you. We'll start with that tomorrow."

"I guess I could use the weight room at the gym..."

"Atta boy, now you're getting it! It will be hard, but I think we can make it work in a few months. Though fortunately you don't have to worry about this here," she slapped my ass playfully.

"Hey!" I reached back and grabbed my cheeks in annoyance. Then I realized what I had done and moved them back to my groin; unfortunately it was too late, as she was already standing in font of me grinning from ear to ear.

"Not bad rookie."

"Oh gods..."

"Hey you've got nothing to be ashamed of. I know a lot of guys who would kill to trade places with you. Not many black guys, but still."

"Okay, wow. That was incredibly racist."

She shrugged, "I'm a fairy, we transcend race."

"That doesn't make it any less racist."

"Anyway, let's move on to the hair. ALL of the hair," she said gesturing everywhere.

"What's that suppose to mean?"

"Dude you have a shag rug on your chest and one forming on your lover back, and your hair is so greasy and lifeless that even former president Trump is shaking his head in shame."

"I mean, that's just my body. I can't do anything about my genetics," I said defensively.

"Noooo, but you can do something about your appearance. Girls like it when a guy takes care of his appearance. Why? Because it shows that he cares what others say and then put the time and effort to look good. Very few girls like slobs that just blame "genetics" for everything and don't even try to fix their image. Think about it, if you were a chick, who would you rather spend the night with: David Beckham or Jack Black?"

"Hey Jack Black is funny."

She just crossed her arms and gave me a look that said, "really dude?"

"...David Beckham."

"Exactly. And you know why? Because he works for it. I mean, have you seen that ass? There's a reason why he wears such tight pants. You should definitely take a page from his book. Anyway, let's get started!"

"Ummmm..."

"What? Don't tell me you're still hesitant."

"Maybe a little."

"Oh my god," she sighed and pinched the bridge between her eyes and her nose, "looks like I'm going to have to give you a little taste."

She pointed her finger at my face and white sparks suddenly jumped through my glasses and into my eyes.

"ARRRH!" I yelled in pain grabbing my face, "OH GOD IT BURNS!"

"Oh calm down you big baby."

I pulled my hands away only to see that, well, I couldn't see. Everything was a huge blur, even worse than when I wasn't wearing my glasses.

"OH GOD I'M BLIND! WHY DID YOU DO THAT? WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?!

She sighed and took my glasses off, "I calm down.."

"OH I'LL CALM DOWN WHEN I TEAR YOUR EYES OUT OF YOUR—" I froze when I saw Kyu's smirking face inches from mine holding up my glasses next her.

I could see. I could see everything. Every detail on her face was suddenly crystal clear, from the tiny pupils in her eyes to every individual strand of hair on her eyebrows. I turned around and scanned the room, focusing on objects that were close and far and discovering that I could see them perfectly.

"I...I can see..."

"Yep, perfect 20/20 vision. Hell, you might even be able to see a little in the dark too, " she said proudly.

I turned back to face her, "you...you did this? Why?"

"The glasses where holding you back dude. I mean, I know the "sexy geek" look is starting to grow on people, but I don't think you could pull it off with these or any glasses with lenses that thick."

I didn't say anything, still stunned about what had happened.

"No need to thank me, it's just part of my job. Hopefully this will prove that I am the best thing that will ever happen to—hey!"

Before I could stop myself I pulled her close into a tight hug, taking her completely by surprise. She was surprisingly light and smelled of strawberries and vanilla.

"Thank you. I can't...I can't even begin to tell you what this means to me..." I managed to choke out as I felt my eyes moisten up.

She chuckled and patted me on the back, "okay there champ, take it easy. Don't even worry about it, it was no problem at all. The important thing is to know whether or not you trust me now."

"Sorry," I mumbled pulling back, "I just...I got a little carried away there."

"Don't sweat it, happens to the best of us. So, are you interested in my help now?"

"Yes," I nodded.

"I should warn you though, this will not be easy. I have a strict program that must be followed to the end if accepted, and there is no going back. If you still want my help, then shake my hand," she extended her hand towards me.

 _That sounds...ominous. What am I doing? I should just tell her to take a hike. Clearly no good came come out of this. Just tell her no. JUST TELL HER NO._

 _"I might be the last chance you have..."_

"...all right. I'm in!" I said taking her hand and shaking it. The moment I did I felt something like a spark between us, "wait, what was that? Kyu?"

She was gone, nowhere to be found. Suddenly my head felt very light and my eyelids very heavy.

 _It's okay...just go to sleep...just relax and let me take over..._ I heard inside my head.

 _Kyu? Is that you? Where..._

 _Shhh...just go to sleep...I got a lot of work to do..._

My eyes began to close, "sleep...sounds goood..."

I felt my consciousness sleep away.

 _Night, night..._

* * *

"Rise and shine sleepyhead!"

"Guh!" I suddenly woke up, my mind suddenly racing, "what happened?!"

"Chillax dude," Kyu said next to me. I realized that we were still in my appartment, currently sitting on my bed, "I just took over your body for a while. No biggie."

"That sound terrifying!" I said getting up.

"Oh chill, I didn't do anything dirty if that's what you're worried about."

"That's not—" I suddenly noticed that there was someone else on the other side of the room, standing there looking at me, "you brought someone over!?"

She didn't say anything but was apparently doing her best not to laugh.

"I don't believe this," I turned to face the person, "uummm hi. I'm sorry for...well what happened was...this is hard to explain, the thing is—"

I stopped, realizing that the man was moving the same way I was. I raised my hand and waved it, he did the same. I reached up and touched my face, and so did he.

That was when I realized that I wasn't looking at another man.

I was looking at my full body wardrobe mirror.

"What the—"

I walked closer, taking in everything before me. My hair was cut shorter, it was less greasy, and it looked purposely messed up with some kind of product. My eyebrows had been given a pluck, and I was completely clean shaven. I was wearing a white, slim dress shirt with the sleeves rolled up, a grey pair of dress pants that were perfectly fitted, and a pair of dark brown dress shoes.

"Pretty good eh?" Kyu said leaning her arm on my shoulder, "I just bumped you up from a 4 to an 8.5. You're welcome."

"H-how?"

"Like I said, you put some effort on your looks and it will show. Don't worry though, I'll teach you how to get to this on a daily basis. Oh and heads up, I lazered off most of the hair that wasn't on your head."

"I look gre—wait what?" I opened my shirt to see that all of the hair on my chest was now completely gone, "you lazered off my chest hair?"

"Trust me, you'll thank me in the long run; though you will need to go again a few more times for it to be permanent."

"But isn't that an expensive procedure?"

"Well..." Kyu laughed nervously.

I was about to press on when I noticed that bags all over my room; they were on my bed, on my table, on the floor, they were everywhere. I saw bags from H&M, Bannana Republic, Dolce and Gabanna, Gucci, Lemaire, John Elliot, Dino Hairdresser, Sephora, and many, many more. I even saw two different suit carriers from Armani hanging from dressing door.

"Kyu...how much did all of this cost?"

"I could tell you, but you're not going to like it."

"Tell me."

She did.

And I didn't like it.

* * *

 **Author's note: and so the quest begins! A man set out to conquer his fears accompanied by his fairy companion. What thrilling new adventure awaits for Link, the hero of—wait, this is the wrong script. Hold on. Okay here we go: and so begins the story of a man and his fairy companion setting out to get laid!**

 **So we finally get the proper introduction of the fiary Kyu; a crude, hypersexualized nymph who, for some reason, seems very interested in helping our protagonist. Why? Fuck if I know. I guess well have to wait and see.**

 **Also remember boys and girls, genetics don't need to dictate everything in your life. With a little determination, and a lot of money, you can overcome anything!**

 **As always comments and critiques are welcomed below. See you soon!**


	3. It's Go Time!

"All right, next question: what places do you want to avoid when taking her to a first date?"

"Let's see; loud clubs where grinding is the norm. Hot springs, which are meant to make people loosen up while feeling hot and sweaty, and expensive fancy restaurants that make it look like your trying way to hard to flaunt your money."

"Correct; and some more appropriate places?"

"A coffee shop with a balcony or patio on a nice sunny day, a carnival where you at least know how 30% of the games are rigged and therefore know which ones to steer away from, or a nice walk in the mall followed by dinner and a movie. The park is also a good choice, but only if she seems to like the outdoors otherwise it's a 50/50 chance."

"Yay you did it!" Kyu clapped before taking out an animal cracker from the box and flicking it towards me, "here, have a treat for being such a good boy."

A caught the snack in mid air before leaning down and opening the over, waving off the strong smell and heat coming from it, "I'm not a dog you know."

"Yeah no shit; I'm pretty sure a dog wouldn't have taken this long to train," she smirked while looking over my shoulder, "are you sure you're doing it right?"

"The instructions said cook it lightly for 10 minutes," I said closing the oven before checking on the potatoes.

"It doesn't look like the picture," she pointed at the image pasted next to the recipe.

"But I followed the mix just like the book said," I checked the instructions next to the stove, "no, wait, my bad. Forgot to add the peppercorns. Shit"

"Well no use adding it now. Just finish it and we'll give it a try," she shrugged, "Though you owe me a proper lunch later."

"Hey give me a break, I've been feeding you for six months straight," I scowled.

"Well you were learning how to cook for the last two months, so those don't count. I mean look at me, I'm wasting away here. This rocking body needs it's nutrients you know," she said while giving a twirl.

"Here," I tossed the animal cracker back at her, "you can always eat this."

"Very funny."

"You're a fairy, you know magic. Why don't you just magic up whatever you want to eat and let me finish here in peace?" I asked draining the water from the large pan holding the potatoes before taking them out and salting them lightly.

"Because magic doesn't work that way. Also, I'm doing this for your own good. Knowing you you would just make something "edible" and stop there. I'm here to make sure that not only do you manage to make your food good, but good enough to impress women. Do you know what it's like for girl to have a good looking guy cook a nice meal for them? That's every woman's dream after having a three-way with Ryan Reynolds and Ryan Gosling: some R&R if you catch my drift."

"Well there's an image I did not need in my head," I muttered putting on oven mitts, "could you set up the table please? Food will be ready in a minute."

"Sure thing," she said skipping out of the kitchen.

 _I'm discussing three way fantasies while getting ready to serve lemon and black pepper crusted salmon to a fairy. How the fuck did my life get to this?_ I sighed putting the still hot tray over the oven and taking out a large plate from the pantry.

It had been roughly six months since Kyu had decided to help me fix the abominable mess that was my love life; and by that I mean six months since she decided that she was going to live with me. Yeah apparently agreeing to working with a fairy means that they need to stick around you 24/7. Which wouldn't be a problem if the apartment had more than just one bathroom with a working shower; apparently fairies don't understand—or care—the concept of locked doors.

But yeah, six months since the love fairy moved in, and it has been anything but easy. You'd think that she would just take me to a place with girls, give me instructions on what to say and not to say, and then cheer me on the sidelines. As it turns out, that is not the case. Like, at all. Having Kyu as a "dating coach" to say the least has been less like a dating simulator and more like a dating boot camp. Every day has been basically studying, going to the gym, having a healthy and proper meal (meaning cutting back on sugar and alcohol for the time being), learning whatever skill she thought would be necessary for me, and testing. Lots and lots of testing; from what gift appeals to what personality, to which pants I should never wear with a silk scarf. It has not been easy.

And yet, I'd be lying if I said that I wasn't starting to see some results. I was in better shape than before (I even manage to start developing abs), and I actually did learn a few useful skills like cooking, giving a proper massage, and pretending to know about wine (which is all bullshit by the way, but people don't know that).

Putting the finishing touches on the salmon and potatoes, I picked up the platter and walked to the table where Kyu was already waiting with the table set, "here we go: lemon and black peppered salmon with potatoes on the side."

"Good. Question: in which date would this be the appropriate scenario?"

I placed the platter in the center of the table and took her plate to serve her the food, "let's see, the invitation to my place implies a more intimate and romantic setting, but it's a lunch date and I haven't set the mood. So it's either the third date before sex, or the second date after sex and becoming more comfortable with her."

"Not bad. I would have also accepted second date before sex if you did it before an even later thus implying that you are not just trying to get in her bed. Thank you," she chirped as I placed her plate in front of her and began helping myself, "and after lunch is over, what is the appropriate course of action?"

"Offer to walk her home or wherever she needs to go next. Since lunch was salmon I shouldn't try to kiss her unless she makes a move first because my breath probably smells."

"Some mouthwash can fix that, but good answer none the less," she took a bite of the salmon, "mmmm, this is actually not bad. I give it a solid 8, maybe a 9 if you hadn't forgotten about the peppercorns."

"Question: do you actually know what peppercorns taste like or are you just bull shiting?" I asked before taking a bite of the salmon.

"That's no way to talk to your teacher; but yeah, I'm pretty much just busting your balls," she stuck out her tongue.

"You little bitch..."

"Anyway, next question: what are the different traits that most women look for in a guy?"

 _Aw shit, not this question again_ I bit the inside of my cheek in annoyance. This was always the hardest part for me, since so far I hadn't manage to get the correct answers for all the traits (I always managed to mess at least one).

"Come on, I'm waiting," she smirked resting her cheek on her hand.

I sighed and concentrated as hard as I could, "the four common traits that most women tend to look for in a guy are talent, flirtation, romance, and sexuality; and while there are many other traits, those four are the ones that resonate the most with women, be it in a positive or negative way."

"Go on," she gestured.

"Talent is usually the broadest trait in terms of how many girls react to it. It's also the easiest to fake since everyone can pretend to have "some" level of talent. If, however, one doesn't want to screw up, the safest route is to actually show off the talents you have and build upon that. Like in my case I would focus on my drawing skills and my cooking, thought I would focus more on the former for the time being. A girl who is into talent enjoys fun dates, to constantly be entertained; a man who displays talent is someone whom they think will show them a good time. On the other hand, some girls find talent off putting; maybe it's because they have some sort of complex, or maybe it's because they had a bad experience. Regardless, a girl who doesn't like talent will see that guy as a narcissistic show off that is trying to flaunt how much "better" he is from everyone else, especially her."

"Flirtation is also a common trait that gets a reaction from women, but if done with moderation. It's not hard to flirt, but at the same time one could easily say or do the wrong thing, resulting in horrible results. One should always pace themselves when they flirt, because if they try to rush it they come off as desperate and cheesy. Usually the most effective ways to flirt are with small compliments every now and then, which require attention in order to notice any differences in her hair or makeup. A girl who likes flirtation does so because she appreciates the effort the guy in putting. It shows that he pays attention and is constantly trying to make her feel good about herself. However, there are many girls that don't respond well to flirtation because it makes the guy seem untrustworthy, thus his compliments seem hollow and could be directed to anyone."

"Romance is more of a minefield when it comes to women. Romantic movies have warped people's views on what is considered as "romantic" gestures, so expectations can be high; the problem is that reality almost never meets expectations. As such one should never try for grand, eloquent gestures of "romance" when they are just getting into the relationship. No open declarations of love in a stadium packed with people, no buying out billboards for special messages, no standing in the rain while holding up a boom box playing "In Your Eyes" by Peter Gabriel. A proper romantic gesture would be a nice candlelight dinner, giving her your coat if it's too cold or raining, and letting her eat some of your fries without complaining. Girls who like romance are girls who like caring, attentive guys that enjoy—or at least pretend to—spend time with them and will try to make them feel loved without going overboard. Girls who don't tend to see "romantic guys" as a phony asshole who have watched too many romcoms and believe they are entitled to sex because they've watch "Love Actually" and tried to mimic the plot."

"Sexuality is the most dangerous of the four traits, and therefore the one that one must be extremely careful in order to apply it. There aren't as many women out there who respond positively it, but those that do it do it STRONG. They like the fact that the guy isn't afraid to be upfront with what he wants, not wasting any time beating around the bush and instead going straight for the bush. Plus, someone who employs sexuality more often than not tends to have experience to back it up. Men who employ sexuality have confidence in spades, looks and skills to back it up, and can promise—and deliver—an experience that the girl will not be forgetting any time soon. The problem, however, is that when a girl isn't into sexuality the guy can come off as creepy and borderline aggressive. So unless you want to end up on a list that will haunt you for the rest of your life, never employ sexuality if the girl is not interested. Oh, and always remember that, regardless the case, no always means no."

Kyu didn't say anything. She just sat there with her head on her hand smiling at me.

"...I fucked up didn't I?" I asked sheepishly finishing my salmon.

"Actually you got them all right."

"Wait, what?!"

"Yep, looks like you finally got it. Congratulations; I can't believe it, my little boy is all grown up," she said pretending to wipe a tear off her eye.

"Okay very funny; and please don't ever call me little boy again, because that came out creepy as fuck," I laughed grabbing both plates and taking them back to the kitchen and began washing them, "all right then, what's next? Head out to the gym for a workout or are you going to take me to a movie theater in order to show me the "best" seating area that will indirectly cause girls to sit closer for more physical contact like you did at the coffee shop?"

"Laugh it up asshole, but it works," she scowled walking into the kitchen, "especially when you go to see a horror film. A good one, not one of those shitty ones we get these days; I mean seriously, not even the Nightmare on Elm Street sequels were that cheesy."

"Hey "Unfriended" wasn't that bad."

"Sure, if you think the concept of ghost killing through facebook is scary and not completely moronic and desperately trying to be relevant."

"Remind me again why you're not a film critic?"

"And deal with thousands of whiners who claim that I either got paid off to praise something or that I'm a feminist attention seeking whore when I dislike something? No thank you, I'd rather not deal with any of the bullshit."

"All right, all right, calm down. Geez you really get worked up about that sort of stuff don't you?" I finished drying the plate and put it back on the pantry.

"Yeah well those assholes chased my favorite reviewer off the internet," she mumbled before shaking her head and changing her tune, "anyway that's not what we were talking about. We were talking about what we were doing today. Or, more specifically, what YOU'RE doing today."

"Okay, lay it on me. What next on the agenda?"

"Nothing. It's time for you to fly!"

"...what?" I turned around to face her.

"You're ready champ. I've taught you all the basics and then some. Now it's time to put everything you've learned into practice."

I swallowed nervously, "you s-sure about t-this? I-I-I mean maybe there's something else—"

"Oh no, don't you start stuttering on me again. You are ready. Now go wash up and get dressed, because today is the day you turn your life around for the better. Now let's get you ready!"

 _I'm actually doing this,_ I thought to myself as I stepped out of the shower and grabbed my towel, _I can't believe I'm actually doing this...no, now is not the time to think like that. I AM doing this. I've been preparing for six months with the help of a magical pink fairy. I can win! I feel great! I CAN DO THIS!_

"WHOO!" I cheered tossing the towel in the clothes hamper, "wait, why did I do that? I need to air dry that thing or else it will stay damp and get moldy," I shook my head and took the towel out before hanging it by the shower curtain.

"Anyway, time to get ready," I grabbed the pair of boxer briefs I had brought in the bathroom and put them on. I stood in front of the bathroom mirror, checking myself out. Grabbing a pair of tweezers I plucked a few stray hairs from my eyebrows and cheeks, making sure that everything was even and neat. I then opened the drawer and pulled out a bottle of _Proraso_ aftershave balm.

 _"Always use just enough for women to notice, but never too much that it overwhelms them,"_ I heard Kyu's voice ring in my head as I applied just enough balm to cover the tip of my pinky. I then rubbed my hands together and lightly slapped my cheeks and neck until the balm was gone. I gave myself a quick whiff to make sure I had applied the right amount.

"Mmm, minty," I smiled at myself in the mirror.

I put the balm away and pulled out a container of American crew pomade, scooping some of it in my fingers before rubbing it thoroughly in my hands; one that was done I began tussling and ruffling my hair, going for the bedhead look that Kyu and several hair stylists had taught me over the past few months (because apparently my hair grows rather fast so I needed it trimmed every three weeks). I finally managed to get it that way I had come to like it recently: slightly messed up with the front standing up.

 _Now that the hard part is out of the way, let's finish this._

Stepping out of the bathroom I headed to my room and opened my dresser, going through the different dress shirts hanging before me.

 _Let's see what we got. White is too common, red comes off too strong for a first impression, yellows is way too casual, it's too soon for pink, not the season for brown...here we go,_ I pulled out a burgundy dress shirt, _refined, stylish, and classy. Now we're talking._

I put on the shirt and buttoned it up to my chest, leaving the last button open to let my otherwise constricted chest breath a bit; I then meticulously rolled both sleeves until they were both at even height. I then opened the other dresser where all my pants where, immediately going for the fitted black pair. I put them on and then added a slim leather belt to hold and accentuate it.

 _And now for the final touch,_ I thought to myself, closing the dresser and opening my sock drawer. I picked out a black pair of silk socks and put them on, followed by a pair of black dress shoes with no laces. Once I was done I stood in front of the full body mirror and checked myself out to make sure everything was in place.

"Damn I look good," I growled. I walked out to the living room where Kyu was lying upside down on the couch and leafing through one of the many magazines she had raided from my stash under the bed.

"Man get a load of the legs on that bitch," she said too herself, not realizing I had walked in, "the things I would do for five minutes with her and a can of whipped cream."

"Well that train of thought has caught my attention. Care to elaborate?" I smirked leaning on the couch.

She looked up and gave me a huge shit eating grin, "helloooo there. Hubba hubba hot stuff, looking good. Burgundy shirt, tight pants, nice hair; if you weren't my client and I wasn't on the clock I would actually bang you."

"Is that because I look good or because your standards are low?" I asked coyly.

"See now that type of attitude is gonna get you laid," she laughed getting off the couch and fixing the neck of my shirt, "here, let me help you a bit. Aaaaand there."

"Thanks," I smiled at her.

"Don't sweat it, it's what I do. Now before you leave, there are two more things I need to do. First, give you this," she pulled it my phone from within her nightie dress, "introducing the latest in love fairy technology: the huniebee 4.0!"

"That's my phone," I said flatly.

"Noooo, ot was your phone but I upgraded it. Here, check it out," she said handing it over. I unlocked the screen and the first thing I noticed was that she had changed the background to pink.

"Man what is it with you and pink?"

"What, I like pink."

"More like you're obsessed with it."

"Aaaaanyway as I was saying I made a few upgrades. First of all, I switched your data plan to one that wasn't complete garbage."

"So not Verizon."

"Or any of them really. Seriously, you humans are getting just straight up ripped off by these phone companies and you just take it."

"Please, like people could actually break the oligopoly those bastards have over phone and internet service. Not even the government can do that."

"Whatever. Point is that now you're on the fairy network data plan. Infinite calls, infinite messages, and coverage throughout all known planes of existence. You could send and receive sexts from space if you wanted to."

"Yeah that's good and all but how's my Youtube speed on this new plan?"

Kyu rolled hers eyes, "ignoring the fact that you're about as dense as a brick, I have one last thing to show you," she clicked on an app icon that had a heart in the middle, opening what seemed to be an empty contact list, "once you meet a cute girl and she gives you her number, it will automatically register her in the huniebee's software."

"So you upgraded my phone by giving me a contact app?"

"Gods you can't shut up for a minute can you?" She huffed in annoyance, "here, let me show you. I'll add my number," she typed in a number into the phone and then hit the save button. Immediately the name "Kyu Sugardust" appeared at the top with a picture of Kyu next to it, "see?"

"Your last name is Sugardust?" I grinned.

"That's not important," she said quickly her cheeks turning red.

"It is to me."

"I swear to god if you laugh I'm going to punch you in the gut so hard you'll be feeling my fist inside you for a month...wow that came out wrong."

"No kidding," I chuckled, "but seriously I think it's cute. You're like Tinkerbell from Peter Pan, only not blonde and less sassy."

"Look we're running late as it is so shut up and pay attention," she tapped her name on the screen, opening a file in the screen with a full body picture of Kyu and what seemed to information about her on the side.

"Height, weight, hair and eye color, bra size, hobbies, favorite drink ...libido?! The fuck is this!?" I asked. However, before she could answer I notice a tab on the top of the screen; clicking on it replaced the information file with what appeared to be map of the city with a pink dot flashing on it, "wait...is that—"

"Yep, that's me. Not only does the Huniebee provide you with information about the girl, but it can also locate her whereabouts at any given moment."

"Lady that's called stalking, which is pretty frowned upon in the human world. This is unbelievably creepy, not to mention that it could easily land me in jail; and I'm pretty sure the "a fairy gave me this" excuse isn't going to save me."

"Chillax dude. No one can access this app except you and I. It's locked with my own magic that is designed to only grant access to you; anyone else accesses it will only open up facebook."

"That still doesn't make it any less creepy..."

"Well you can always not use it; but trust me when I say that by the end of this you'll be thanking me for giving you this little doodah."

"I'll keep that in mind," I rolled my eyes and pocketed my phone, "anything else?"

"Nope, you're all set. Just remember, if you wanna meet a hot chick, you gotta go to where the hot chicks are. I've done some scouting and I have a few ideas of where to start. It all depends on what kind of girl you want to meet. You can check the university, the mall, the gym, the park, or a nearby café. Don't worry thought; there are no wrong choices here. Now go out there and talk to so broads!" She cheered turning me around and giving me a playful slap on my ass.

 _All right, it's time,_ I thought to myself as I headed to the door, _I got the skills, I got the tools (even if some of them are a bit creepy), and I got the confidence. Everything I've been working on these past few months has been leading up to this. Time to change my life around._

I grabbed the door handle.

 _I can do this._

I opened the door.

 _I can...do...this?_

I stood there in front of the open doorway.

 _Oh god...WHAT AM I DOING?!_

"Dude are you okay?" I heard Kyu asked behind me.

"NOPE. CAN'T DO IT!" I planted myself on the door and grabbed onto the doorway with both hands.

"What?! Where did that come from?! What happened to the confidence you had a minute ago?!"

I shook my head, "can't do it, gonna fuck up. Why did I agree to this?"

"Oh no you don't!" I felt the fairy push me from behind trying, and failing, to get me through the doorway, "I said, let's go talk to some broads! I did not bust my ass helping you out these past few months just for you to gel cold feet at the last minute!"

"Sorry, but I can't do it. I'm going to fuck up, I just know it," I said without budging.

"No you're not!" She suddenly appeared in front of me and began pulling my arm, "you have everything you need for a successful encounter. There is no way you aren't getting at least one phone number by the end of today, not with all the work we've put into to you. You are not that same guy I met six months ago."

"Oh please we both know that's a just a crock of shit! No matter how much I try to change I'm always going to be that same loser that no sane girl would ever come close to, much less go out with! I'm sorry you wasted your time with a hopeless case like myself, but there is no way I'm going to—MMMPH!"

I was cut off when Kyu grabbed me by the hem of my shirt and pulled in in for a kiss. My eyes went wide as I felt her tongue sliding into my mouth as she pulled me in even closer. Her eyes were closed but it was very clear that she didn't need them; she knew exactly what she was doing.

I, on the other hand, was loosing any grasp I had on reality.

Eventually she stopped and pulled away, smiling at me with her eyes half opened, "there, now that you've calm down maybe you'll listen to me."

"I-I-I...buh?"

She patted my cheek playfully, "look man, worse comes to worse you get rejected by someone you ask out. So what? We'll try again tomorrow. But trust me when I say that's not going to happen. You're going to do fine; actually no, fuck that, you're going to do great."

"...I thought you didn't mess around with your clients," I finally managed to say.

"I don't, you're the exception hot stuff," she winked.

Maybe it was what she had said, or the way she said it, or the fact that I just made out with a super hot half naked fairy, but I suddenly felt some of my confidence slowly but surely begin to come back.

"R-right. I can do this..."

"Baby steps ok? And just try to relax. Chose a location where you're bound to find someone who is not a total bitch. An easy target if you would, though it goes without saying that you shouldn't say that out loud. You can do it man. If you don't believe in yourself, which you should, believe in me and a little magic. Literally."

I swallowed and took a deep breath, "o-okay. You're right."

"I know I am."

I smiled, "wish I had some of that entitlement."

"There he is. That's the guy who's going to get some. Now, any idea where you're going to go first?"

"Yeah...yeah I do."

 **Author's note: okay okay, so we're three chapters and we still haven't seen anyone of the girls other than Kyu. But hey, first kiss eh? That's something. Seriously thought, how did my joke fanfic get to a kiss before my "serious" fanfic? Oh right because I'm a talentless hack. But I promise that the next chapter will introduce one of the other girls. Which one? You'll just have to wait and see.**

 **Welp, that's all I got. Until next time. And as always, leave comments and critiques below. Bye!**


	4. Not too Dark, and a Little Sweet

I opened the door to the coffee shop, the smell of coffee beans and the sound of latte machines working overtime immediately hit me.

 _"_ NutmegCafé: Come for the Drinks, Stay for the Atmosphere," I muttered reading the sign hanging behind the counter, "pretty accurate seeing how your drinks suck."

I looked around the café in order to get a gist of the situation I was in. It was a Tuesday afternoon, so the shop was relatively quiet, only about a handful of people inside; most of the customers were sitting outside enjoying the sunny weather. I checked my watch and saw that it was almost 3:30, meaning I had about 30 minutes before the 4 o clock rush of customers from the university a few blocks down came in. If I was going to make my move, it would be best to do it while it was still nice and calm.

"Excuse me, but could you please move?" I felt someone gently tap my shoulder. I turned around and saw a woman looking up at me. She was young, dark skinned, green eyes and with very curly hair that barely reached her shoulders. She was wearing a low cut blue dress that hugged her curves tightly and reached just over her knees, alongside a pair of white gloves and knee high boots.

"Sorry," I stepped to the side and allowed her to walk up to the counter where she began trying to get the barista's attention. Despite myself I couldn't help seizing her up from behind; her toned legs seemed to go on forever, and the way the back of her dress clung to her ass made it look like the fabric was about to burst open.

"Not bad..." I muttered to myself.

Suddenly I felt my phone vibrating in my pocket, cutting into my thoughts. I reached in and pulled up the screen, expecting a text or maybe even a dropped call. However, something else entirely popped up: a small baby blue arrow flashing on the screen and apparently pointing in front of me.

"What the—"

"Looks like you have your first target," I turned to see Kyu standing next to me grinning from ear to ear.

"Kyu?! What are you doing here?!" I whispered furiously. Before she could answer I grabbed her arm and pulled her outside the coffee shop and around the corner where no one could see us.

"Well aren't you being forward? But, like I said, I don't screw while I'm on the clock."

"What the hell are you doing?! You can't just walk outside like that!"

"Why not?"

"Because you still have your wings on! Also, pants are pretty much the norm for outwear, not whatever the hell this is," I said gesturing at her pink nightie ensemble.

"Relax dude, I'm only here to check out your progress. After what happened at the apartment I was afraid that you might have another panic attack in the middle of the shop; and trust me when I say that it's nearly impossible to recover from that sort of public humiliation. So, being the generous fairy that I am, I decided to pop up and help, making sure that it's nothing from smooth sailing from here on out."

"Oh yeah because if there's anything that's going to help me right now it's a pink, half naked fairy following me arounf while I try to pick up women. It's not like that could be seen just a bit suspicious to, oh I don't know, LITERALLY ANYONE WITH A FUNCTIONING BRAIN CELL!"

"Geez you need to relax," Kyu rolled her eyes, "nothing bad is going to happen. Here, I'll prove it to you," she began fluttering her wings and flying off towards the café patio.

"Kyu! Kyu!" I whispered trying to get her to stop to no avail. She floated towards one of the tables where there were two men talking while drinking from two large Styrofoam coffee cups. Giving me a sly wink Kyu dropped down and plopped on the middle of the table, crossing her legs and leading back on her hands while pushing her chest upwards, giving anyone who looked at her general direction a more than generous view.

And yet the two men sitting at the table didn't even acknowledge her.

Confused I kept watching as she eventually laid down on the table and stretched her body as much as she could. She looked up at one of the men and pretended to blow him a kiss while at the same time she stretched her leg right in front of the other man, inches away from his face.

Nothing.

Giggling she got up and fluttered off the table, making sure to float pass as many people as possible only for them to not even look up or showing any signs of noticing her.

"What. The. Fuck," I said to myself.

"See? What did I tell you? Nobody can see me, so you don't have to worry about me making a scene; you should be more worried about the fact that you might have caused a scene when you suddenly ran out the shop like you did."

"But...how?"

"No one else can see me but you; after all I'm just a figment of your imagination. Plot twist!" She said in a singsong voice while playfully poking my nose.

"Oh great, so I am insane; that's great to know..."

She laughed and punched my arm playfully, "nah relax, I'm just fucking with you. The truth is I can make myself visible to whomever I want, and right now I'm only visible to you. Also, no one else but you can hear what I say; that being said, people can still hear and see everything you do that is directed to me, so be discreet unless you want people to think you are some sort of lunatic."

"Okay fine, noted. Now can you explain to me what is going on with my phone please?" I said gesturing to the still blinking arrow.

"Well remember that app that I installed on your device?"

"You mean the stalker app?"

"Not exactly what I would call it, but yeah whatever. One of its main features is that is can locate girls that respond to the four core traits in the nearby vicinity."

"What do you mean?"

"Remember, girls react to different traits in different ways. Some react to certain traits more than others; talent, flirtation, romance and sexuality are just the ones with a broader scope of women who react to them. What the huniebee does is locate girls who will react the most to one of the four traits. Like maybe she's into talented guys, or maybe she's just really thirsty for some dick. You get the point."

"Okay, so which trait will that girl react to the most?"

She shrugged, "don't know, and until you enter her phone number into the program it won't be able to tell you either; right now it can only detect that she'll react to one of the four, just not which one specifically."

"So basically your telling me that my phone can point to me to girls with whom I will have the best chance with based on everything you've taught me?"

"So you're going to use the stalker app or what?" she grinned.

"Well, I mean, if it's going to work on its own, I might as well not let not go to waste," I coughed nervously.

"Riiight. Anyway you should consider yourself lucky that the huniebee picked that fine thing for your first test run. Did you see her? Mmmm mmmm, I love me some dark chocolate; I'll have whatever she was having, if you know what I'm saying?"

"Wow, so racist," I said raising my eyebrows.

"Oh put a sock in it. Now get in there and talk to her before she gets away; and don't worry, I'll be with you to make sure you don't fuck up."

"Thanks," I took a deep breathe and walked out of the alley and into the coffee shop again.

"Excuse me, miss!"

"Yeah?"

The girl from before was leaning over the counter with her arm in the air, She was currently talking to one of the baristas, a young girl with short twilight blue hair and glasses who had her shop apron off and hanging from her arm.

"I've been here for a while now, I'm still waiting to be helped."

"Oh...yeeeeaah. So my shift just ended. I'm pretty much out the door already," she blue haired girl said unapologetically pointing at the employee door behind her, "I think someone else should be in any minute."

"I'm just looking to get a cappuccino; it will only take a couple seconds," the curly haired woman said patiently.

"I mean...it's more than a second. Soooo," the barista inched closer to the door behind her.

"Are you serious?"

"I should have left over fifteen minutes ago, okay? I'm done. Someone else will take care of your double frappe latte or whatever," the girl responded impatiently before turning around and leaving through the door.

"Wow...okay?" The girl sighed putting her arm down and leaning on the counter.

"Oy, this is perfect," Kyu elbowed my stomach, "now is your chance to go talk to her. Considering what just went down, she's probably a little pissed off."

"How is that a good thing?" I whispered.

"Because it gives you that chance to brighten her day, thus giving you a good start. You gotta try and get on her good side; open with something safe, something she probably wants to hear. Now go get her tiger."

 _All right, I can do this...deep breath...deep breath..._

"Don't hyperventilate, it makes you seem creepy. Just calm the fuck down."

"Right, sorry."

I walked up to the woman, who had her forehead on her hand and let out another tired sighed, "sometimes I hate this place so much..."

Seeing an opportunity and stood next to her and leaned my back on the counter, "man customer service these days right?"

"Hmmm?" She looked up, "oh, you're that guy from earlier."

"Yeah sorry about that. I would have been sitting down if one of these baristas actually cared about doing their job."

"I know right? It's ridiculous; and can you believe how they treat their customers? The nerve of some people," she shook her head.

"Honestly if it wasn't for the affordable coffee I would have gone back to Starbucks," I lied.

"I know exactly how you feel; it's impossible to keep a coffee habit with their prices. I mean 3 dollars for a Grande regular coffee? I wouldn't be able to afford my rent with those prices."

"Well that and I doubt you would escape baristas like that one in Starbucks; I guess the job just attracts unpleasant people."

"No trust me, that's just her. I've had to deal with her before, and she always has that same crap attitude. I mean really, is a cup of coffee so much to ask? Sooo sorry to inconvenience you by asking you to do something that in part of your job."

"You're doing great dude, keep it up. She's loosening up," Kyu gave me a thumbs up.

"Have you been waiting here long too?" She asked.

"Little bit. Though to be honest I was also waiting for a chance to talk to you so it paid off," I said cautiously.

"Me?" She blinked surprised getting off the counter, "Why? You see something you like?"

"A few things, yes," I went a little stronger smiling at her.

"Well I gotta give you credit, that's pretty brave. You don't here that often enough," she smiled back her cheeks turning slightly pink, "so is that your technique? Hitting on girls at the coffee shop? Don't tell me your one of those guys that just goes to places like this to hit on women."

 _Crap, what do I say? If I say yes she might think I'm a sleaze, but if I say no it's going to get awkward. Think...think...think!_

 _"When in doubt, try to be funny. 4/5 times it's a great way to break the ice and slip out of a tight situation"_ I heard Kyu's voice ring inside my head.

 _Got it!_

"I just do whatever the magic fairy that follows me around tells me," I shrugged pointing my thumb at a startled Kyu.

"Dude! What the fuck are you doing!? That's not—"

Kyu was cut off by Lola laughing, "okay, now that one I know I've never heard before. I'll give you points for creativity. Tell you what big shot, you caught me in a good mood. Or rather, you put me in a good mood.I normally don't give in so easily, but if we get our coffee any time this century, I might seriously consider continuing this conversation with you."

"How about we make it more interesting? If I can get us both coffee in the next five minutes, we sit down and see where this goes," I said.

"My, you're really being forward putting yourself out there; I like it. Okay then, I'll take that bet. I'll get a table and wait for five minutes; and I hope you don't disappoint."

"I rarely do."

"We will see. Make mine a cappuccino with extra cream please?" She reached in her purse for some money.

"Oh no, no, no, please. My treat. In insist," I waved her off.

"My, my confident and a gentleman? You're off to a good start big guy," she grabbed her phone and looked at the screen, "your five minutes star...now. Good luck!" She winked before going off to find a table.

"Duuuuude you did it!" Kyu clapped excitedly.

"Not now, on the clock," I whispered turning around signaling one of the baristas, a teenager who had just come in the employee door, "hey you, come here for a minute."

The teenager came over, his face covered acne and giving me an "I would rather be anywhere but here" look, "what do you want?"

"How would you like to make 100$?"

He snorted, "If I could I wouldn't be working here now would—" his eyes went wide when I pulled a 100 dollar bill from my wallet and held it up to him.

"This will be you tip if you get me a cappuccino with extra cream to drink here and one regular dark coffee to go in the next five minutes."

"Dude are you serious?"

"Now it's four minutes."

"Yes sir!" He scurried off to get the order.

"That was awesome! You are on FIYAH!" Kyu laughed.

"Thanks. Now give me some sugar," I said holding out my hand.

"You got it playa!" She slapped my hand.

"No I mean literally, pass my some sugar packets. The coffee here sucks."

"Oh right. My bad," she handed me some sugar packets just as the barista came back with my order, "well looks like you have everything under control here, so I'll just be heading back to he apartment. That Spice TV special is not going to watch itself. Ciao!" She chirped before disappearing with a small puff of pink smoke.

"Thank you. This is for the coffee," I gave the barista a ten, "keep the change. And this is for you," I slid the hundred over the counter.

"Dude this is so cool! You rock man!"

"Don't mention it," I grabbed both coffees and scanned for Lola and saw her sitting next to the window checking herself with a small foldable mirror. I took a deep breath and walked over her, causing her to put the mirror away in her purse and smile at me.

"Wow, you actually did it?" She asked surprised checking her phone, "and with a minute to spare! How did you manage to pull it off?"

"I bribed them," I answered honestly.

"Heeey that's cheating!"

"Is it? Because last time I checked all we agreed on was that I had to get your order in five minutes of less; we never put any rules on how I had to do it," I said giving her a cheeky grin, though I could feel a nervous sweat forming on my back. _Should I have lied? Am I going to come off as someone who likes to flaunt his money?_

Lola was about to say something, but then stopped. Eventually she shrugged, "you know what, that's fair. I did say that all you had to do was get my coffee in five minutes. So I guess that means you win the bet."

"Does that mean I can sit down?"

"Well you are still holding my cappuccino, so I can't say no can I?" She grinned.

"Come on, I'm not an asshole; okay maybe I'm kind of an asshole, but not that kind," I pouted.

She laughed, "okay, okay I get it. Please, have a seat. I'm actually starting to enjoy your company."

"Thank you; and here you go," I placed her cappuccino in front of her before sitting down.

"You sir are a life saver," she picked up the cup and breathed in deeply before letting out a content sigh, taking a sip as a look of pure joy spread through her face, "oh man, that sure hit the spot."

"Suddenly I feel like a third wheel. Should I give you two some alone time?"

"Very funny. It's just been a long day and...eh you probably don't want to here about it," she waved me off.

"Oh come on, you can't leave me hanging like that. I want to hear more about you."

"Seriously?"

"I did take that bet with you for a chance to talk didn't I? You seem like an interesting person, and I want to get to know you better; I want to get to know the real you," I recited the words the Kyu had taught me the past few months, making them sound as sincere as possible.

She looked surprised at what I said, most likely unsure if I was being honest or just messing with her. Eventually she must have believed me because she smiled at me as she stirred her cappuccino with her spoon, "well all right. Who am I to say no to someone asking so nicely?"

* * *

 **Some time later**

"So eventually I got tired of this old lady calling me every five minutes in order to ask me if I was sure that the guy sitting next to her wasn't an terrorist and if there was no way that she could be seated next to someone less "suspicious"; and keep in mind she was not being subtle about it, the poor man could here her every time but could do nothing but sit the and pretend he wasn't listening."

"Jesus that horrible."

"I know right? Well anyway, at one point I had had enough and I'm sure the poor man was at his limit too, so I talked to the other flight attendants and the captain and I found out that there was an available seat in first class. We usually don't move people around after takeoff, especially not from one class to the other, but I explained the situation to the captain—with the help of the other attendants who also had to deal with this old lady—so the captain said we could make an exception. So I walked up to the row where the lady was sitting and I said, "we are terribly sorry for the inconvenience, but I have some good news. The captain has allowed us to bump you up to first class as an apology for your discomfort. If you would just follow me please." And then when the old croon began getting up I said, "oh sorry ma'am, I was talking to the gentlemen next to you." The look on her face was just priceless and made the rest of the trip with her less intolerable."

"That is so awesome!" I laughed, "man I wished I was there when it happened."

"Trust me, you really don't. As satisfying as that moment was, we still had other problems including an hour delay at the runway, three crying babies, and a group of meat head frat bros who were making the most of the whole "free drinks" thing; and yet that was still one of the better flights," she sighed running her finger over her empty cappuccino cup.

"Sounds like hard work," I said finishing my own coffee.

"It is. And you know what the worst part is? People think it's easy being a flight attendant. They think all we do is push around the food cart while the pilots do all the "real" work. Yeah being a pilot is a hard job, but being an attendant is no walk in the park. We're the ones who have to deal with the hundreds of angry, irritated, impatient passengers who think that they are entitled to royal treatment because they bought a plane ticket."

"I'll admit, it does sound much more stressful than I had originally thought," I nodded, "but if that story is any indicator it seems like you've managed to find a way to deal with those stressful situations."

"I'll be honest, it's mostly thanks to coffee. I don't think I could get on with the day without my fix."

"I think you're not giving yourself enough credit."

"And I think you're laying it a bit thick, aren't you? She smirked.

"Why is it not working?" I grinned.

"Weeeeell, I didn't say it WASN'T working," she smiled. Suddenly her phone began vibrating, causing her to pick it up and check it, "aw damn, I completely forgot."

"What?"

"I promised my friend I was going to meet her at the tennis court at 5. I gotta get there in five minutes," she said getting up and putting her phone in her bag.

 _Ah yes, the old fake messege to get out of a date. Not the first time I've seen that one. Why did I expect anything different? Now I just wasted my time and my money for nothing. Of course she would want to leave, who wouldn't? I'm still the same boring loser and nothing is going to—_

"Hey," I looked up and saw her fidgeting nervously, "I...I really had a good time. I usually just grab a coffee and leave so that I don't have to deal with any of the employee here, but I actually wish I could stay longer today. Thanks for helping me through the afternoon, I needed that."

"No problem," I blinked, unsure of what was happening at the moment.

She smiled and took my styrofoam cup from my hand, pulling out a small sharpie marker from her purse and scribbling something over it., "I don't usually do this with guys I just met, but there's something different about you," when she was done she handed it back to me and a turned it around to see what she had written.

 _ **Lola 188-233-478**_

"Give me call. I'd like to see you again," she winked.

"Y-yeah, sure."

"Bye big guy," she waved before walking out of the coffee shop.

I sat there dumbfounded, my mind reeling with what had just happened.

 _That...that couldn't be real right? This is a joke...I'm being set up. This is probably a fake number, or the number to some sort of sex line, right? It has to be. I...I...huh?_

 _...well only one way to find out._

I took out my phone and opened up the huniebee app and pressed the "add contact" link. I typed in the number written on my cup before hitting enter. After a few seconds a picture of Lola appeared with information on the side.

 **Lola Rembrite**

 **Age: 24**

 **Height: 5'7**

 **Weight: 122 lbs**

 **Hair color: brown**

 **Eye color: green**

 **Hobby: tennis**

 **Favorite color: baby blue**

 **Favorite drink: Cocktail, mangotini**

 **Bra size: D cup**

 **Most desired trait: Romance**

 **Least Desired trait: Talent**

 **Libido: Normal**

 _...oh my god. It's the real deal_ , I stared at the screen in front of me before hastily closing the app, _she gave me her number. Her actual phone number; and she wants me to call her._

 _I got a date..._

 _I got a date!_

"I got a date!" I laughed leaning back on my chair as relief spread through my body.

* * *

 **Author's note: I know I should be working on the next chapter of "To Change the Past" but I wanted to put this chapter our first. Why? Because I'm starting to regret working on this fic. See it turns out that there is a developer who is trying to get a male version of Huniepop (Hunkiepop) off the ground; and it is glorious. There are a few demo clips on YouTube and if they are any indication of what the game would be like, then I really wish I had waited until it was published so that I could have written about that instead. Seriously, type in Hunkiepop in YouTube search and click on the Kyu intro video. If you don't think Kyu is hotter as a guy than a girl, then we just see the world differently.**

 **Anyway back to the fic. Yep, Lola is the first girl our protagonist encouters. Why? Because I said so. I know it isn't a really long chapter, but it is supposed to be the first time they meet so there wasn't much I could include. If you are thinking about leaving this fic because of this chapter, I recommend that you stay tuned for the next one; because it's going to explain one of the key elements of the game and there is going to be drama (DUN DUN DUNNNN!)**

 **See you next time!**

 **Edit: okay I've been getting a few messages about this so let me make it a bit clear. When I said "I regret writing this" I didn't mean it in the literal sense of "oh my god I hate this so much I don't ever want to see it again". It was a joke. It was just a humorous way of talking about Hunkiepop and how I wished to have been able to write a fic about that because I feel like it would have been more fun to write (also hot guys. Like SERIOUSLY hot) I probably should have made that a bit clearer, my bad. I'm not going to quit this fic, nor do I wish to. Like my main fic, I have it all planned out and I really want to see it through. Just keep in mind that if I do wish to terminate a fic, ANY fic, prematurely I will make it clear in the authors not by saying, "I will no longer contiue to write this fic". So unless you see that message, do not worry about me abandoning my fics. That is all.**


	5. You Did What!

I walked into the apartment, feeling all kinds of good and pinching myself repeatedly in order to make sure that I wasn't part of a lucid dream; but after several annoying pricks and an arm full of nail marks I was almost certain that I wasn't dreaming.

"Oh come on! What do you mean you wont go out with me?!" Looking up I say Kyu yelling at my tv screen which at the moment had a picture of a pigeon imposed over a animated school background, "I did everything it said you liked, so go out with me you stupid bird brain piece of shit!"

 _Then again there is a magical pink fairy playing a pigeon dating sim in my living room, so I'm not discarding the dream angle yet..._

"Fuck this game!" Kyu slammed my laptop shut, causing the tv screen to go blue.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa! Watch what you're doing!" I walked up behind her and yanked the laptop behind her, "need I remind you that you're not the one who has to pay for repairs around here?"

"Oh hey you're back. What's up?" She asked leaning back onto the couch while kicking her feet up on the table.

"Great now the screen is cracked," I muttered opening and inspecting the laptop.

"Big deal. Just go down to the store and buy a new one, that one is outdated anyway."

"I bought it less than a year ago!"

"Like I said, outdated."

"Look I don't have that kind money to be throwing around every time you throw a hissy fit and destroy my shit."

"Now that's a crock of shit and we both know that. You are fucking loaded and I'm pretty sure you can afford to replace your laptop once a month for the next 50 years."

"Let's not test that theory out. Please?"

"So tell me stud, how did it go with that niece piece of dark chocolate? If it didn't go so well you can tell me, I wont judge. Well actually no, I will judge you a little and tell you where you went wrong, but only because I care."

"Actually," I pulled out my phone and opened the Hunie app and showed her Lola's profile, "I think it went pretty well."

Her eyes went wide as she broke out into a large shit eating grin, "DUUUUUUDE! Lemme see, lemme see!" She jumped out the couch and grabbed my phone, "hot damn! D cups AND an ass that wont quit? Talk about hitting the jackpot on the first go!"

"Why am I not surprised that is the first thing you check out?" I laughed.

"Oh please, like you weren't eyeing the goods too. I mean, have you seen that ass? I'm pretty sure I could bounce a golf ball off of it; thought I'm guessing that's not what you're planning on doing with it."

"All right enough," I cut her off feeling my face burning, "let's not get carried away here."

"You're right, we shouldn't jinx it. We need to be careful. You may have gotten through the first part, but we still have a lot of work to do; but that doesn't mean we can't celebrate now!"

Fiddling with my she pressed the Bluetooth button and accessed my stereo (technology is great isn't it?) before switching it up and turning the volume up. Laughing I couldn't help but start doing the Carlton (fuck you, that dance is both fun and hilarious).

"Yeah man! I knew you had it you all this time! Who the best? I'm the best! Followed by you of course," Kyu chirped as she started dancing.

"Well I can't argue with that, especially not now when I'm in such a good mood."

"Told you it was easy; and the next one is going to be even easier!"

"Yeah I—wait what?" I stopped and looked at Kyu, "what was that last part?"

"Do the dance. Do the dance. Do the dance," Kyu continued, apparently not having heard me.

Grabbing my phone out of her hand I hit the mute button, silencing the speaker, "what do you mean next one?"

She gave me a confused look, "the next girl, duh."

"What the fuck are you talking about?"

"Dude come on, you didn't actually think we we're going to stop after just one broad did you?"

"Actually yeah, that is EXACTLY what I was thinking. I pretty much thought this was a one time thing. You know, help me out with the basics so that I can then fend for myself."

"Well yeah, and that means being able to pick up any girl you want. Trust me, with my knowledge and your ever increasing skill you'll soon have one girl for every day of the week; and then on top of that you'll have a backup girl for every girl of the week, and so on and so forth. Trust me, when I'm done with you you'll be pulling more tail than a special needs kid at a petting zoo. "

"I...don't want that."

"What?"

"I'm not interested in anything you just said," I explained calmly.

Kyu blinked confused before breaking out in a shit eating grin and slapping my arm playfully, "okay dude very funny. You can drop the act now, it's just you and me. You know I don't give a shit about all that "gentlemen" nonsense."

"Look Kyu, I'm not interested in having "one girl for every day of the week". If I was that desperate for sex I would have just paid for prostitutes a long time ago."

"Are...are you serious right now? Buddy I'm giving you the chance of a LIFETIME here. Do you know how many guys would fucking kill to be in your position? Having me, the greatest love fairy that ever lived, coaching them into banging bitties left and right. Hell, I could ensure that you have a THREESOME by the end of the fiscal year. I mean for fuck sake, you're a guy! One who, last time I checked, has a brain and a functioning dick. This should not be that hard, it's basic science!" Kyu said exasperated.

"As much as I enjoy condescending and borderline sexists offers, I'm afraid I'm going to have to turn down it down. Look, I already have Lola's number and I think I might actually have a date that isn't a complete disaster with her. I'm just going to see where this goes; maybe I won't need any more coaching," I responded, starting to get impatient.

"Wait...are you...oh fuck me sideways," Kyu pinched the bridge of her nose and let out an angry sigh, "don't tell me you're one of THOSE guys?"

"Excuse me?"

"Great, just great; this is just fucking PERFECT!" She snapped angrily, "why did I do this to myself? Of course the loser virgin falls for the first hottie that so much as smiles at him. What, already thinking of possible names for your future kids?"

"What are you—"

"Huh? What's that I hear?" She placed her hand behind her eye, "are those wedding bells? Nope, it's YOUR MANHOOD TRYING TO WAKE YOU THE FUCK UP!"

"Hey!"

She flicked my forehead, "news flash, she just smiled at you over coffee. Girls do that all the time, it doesn't mean anything. You can't honestly believe that you're going to stay with that girl for the rest of your life. I swear to god if you say that she is "the one" or your "soul mate" I will fucking clock you in the face; because those things don´t exist, they're just concepts you humans made up so you could sell overpriced shit and tickets to romantic movies. So how about you get your head out of your ass and wake the fuck up!"

"All right that's it; I don't care if you are a magic pink fairy, you don't talk to me like that, even less so in my own house. So you can either calm down or start looking for another place to crash, because it sure as hell won't be here!"

"Hey I'm just trying to help you here. You're turning into that guy who changes everything about his because he things he found true love or something equally stupid."

"Okay back up, I don't "love" anyone. I just met this woman once over coffee, I don't even know if I like her. I just followed the instructions that YOU gave me in order to get a date with her. I'm not planning on "changing" anything about me, or even trying to win this girl over; I'm just trying to have a date where I don't royally screw up like always."

"Then why are you being so anal about this?!"

"I'm just not interested, okay?! I'm not one of those guys that wants to have several girls hanging around him all the time. I can barely handle one, and more than that just sounds exhausting. I'm not planning of sleeping with everything that moves, and I'm not looking for "the one" to settle down with for the rest of my life. I'm just looking to not have a complete mess of a love life, which I thought was the whole point of this. Why is that so hard to believe?"

"But I...you..."

"Is this going to be a problem?"

"Actually yeah, it is."

I sighed, "then I guess we're done here. I appreciate all of your help Kyu, I really do, but I don't think I can continue with this plan that you have. I think I can handle the rest from here on out, at my own pace that is. I don't know what's going to happen with Lola, or if I even want something to happen, but it will be at my own pace. You can stay here until you find a new "client", but as my guest; thanks for everything, but I think I'm done."

The fairy seemed nervous, biting the inside of her cheek while fidgeting her fingers, "see...the thing is...that's...not how this works..."

"What?"

"You can't just end my services like that."

I could feel myself getting angry at Kyu and her insistence, "look I'm trying to be nice here, but you're not making it easy. I already thanked you for your help, and I even offered you to stay here a little longer. I just don't want to continue with this program of yours, but aside from that, we're done here."

"No we're not, trust me."

"Okay now you're just pushing it too far. I'm going to have to ask you to leave."

"No, you just don't get it. The reason I'm not leaving isn't because I don't want to, but because things are going to get VERY bad for you if I do."

"What the fuck are you talking about?"

"You can't just "end" my services on a whim before we're done, that would be breach of contract."

"Contract? What contract?"

"Remember when we first met and we shook hands before I took over your body for a while?"

"...Kyu what did you do?"

"That wasn't just a handshake buddy. That a genuine magical binding contract, a love fairy special."

"What?!"

"Basically you agreed to accepting all of my terms and services, including the fact that until you finish the designated program, successfully I might add, you can not end my services. You are bound to follow my program completely to the end, no ifs, ands or buts."

"But...but..." I could feel my gut wrenching as Kyu continued talking.

"Oh relax, it's not that bad. As long as you do as I say you'll be fine. The contract is just insurance for us love fairies. After all we need to make sure that our clients don't bail on us and ruin our track records. Trust me, it just sounds worse than it really is. Just keep doing what you did today, listen to my advice every now and then and you'll be fine."

"And if I decide to say fuck you and your contract?"

"Your dick will stop working," she answered simply.

"...WHAT?!"

"You'll be impotent for the rest of your life. We figured out a while back that that was the worst kind of punishment we could give out to guys who tried to breach our contract; I mean, if you're not going to take our assistance then you probably aren't going to be using it much in the future."

"WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME THAT?!"

"Well technically I did say "there's no turning back". Granted that was a bit vague but let's be real here. If I did tell you the specifics you probably wouldn't have agreed to my help; I couldn't take that risk so I decided that it wasn't worth bringing it up. Hell it wouldn't even be a problem if you weren't trying to wuss out big time from this."

"You...YOU..." I began shaking.

"Oh will you relax already? It's not like you aren't allow to fail during the program. You just aren't allow to quit it until you are done. All you have to do Is "conquer" at least eight different types of girls and you'll be able to keep your dick. Seems like a pretty sweet deal if you ask me."

I did not agree with that sentiment. In fact, at that moment, it was taking every single once of will power for me not to reach out and strangle the fairy standing in front of me until she went from pink to blue.

Kyu must have noticed this because she took a small step back and raised her hands in front of her, "okay so you seem to be a little peeved about this whole thing."

I could feel the vein throbbing out of control in my forehead.

"And while I did NOTHING wrong, I think I may understand why you may be a tad upset."

That did it.

Yelling out in anger I grabbed a nearby table lamp and tossed it against the wall, causing it to smash into pieces while Kyu screamed in shock. I then grabbed the laptop and flipped it open before snapping it in half with my knee and driving the broken pieces through the tv screen; I proceeded to rip the now useless tv off the wall before throwing it on the ground, pulling out one of the laptop halves and repeatedly smashing it against the screen until it was nothing but broking parts and glass everywhere. Once it was done I looked up panting and saw Kyu standing with her arms extended against the wall looking at me terrified.

"Okay, so maybe you're a bit more angry than I thought," she swallowed nervously.

I pointed at the balcony window, "get out of my house. Get out of my life! GET. THE FUCK. OUT!"

"Dude what part of "your dick will stop working" did you not understand?! If I walk out of that balcony, then any chance of you not ending like a loveless virgin for the rest of your life will be gone for good."

"HRRR!" I clenched my fist—ignoring the blood dripping down from the shards of glass—but didn't move towards her. I felt absolutely livid, but what she said stopped me from actually doing anything. At the same time I felt like I had to do something, anything, to get out all of the anger that was building inside before someone ended up seriously hurt (most likely me).

"FUCK YOU!" I flipped her off before storming out of the living room and into my own room, slamming the door behind me. I stood still for the longest time, my mind racing as I found it harder and harder to breathe with every passing moment.

"GODDAMNIT!"

* * *

A while later I sat at the edge of my bed, alone with my thoughts; it was late, the sky outside having turned dark and the city lighting up on cue. I felt my hand throb in pain, though a quick look assured me that the bandages I had wrapped around it where still goo. Turns out smashing a tv screen with a laptop causing hundreds of tiny shards of glass to embed themselves in your flesh. Go figure. Fortunately it wasn't anything that a pair of tweezers and disinfecting alcohol couldn't fix.

I heard the bedroom door open and the sound of footsteps coming closer.

"So, you done with your little temper tantrum? Or should I bring you a blanket and a bottle of Jack for the night?"

I didn't answer.

"Oh and if you're wondering why your landlord or the cops haven't showed up yet, you can thank me for that. The minute you grabbed that lamp I put a silencing barrier around the apartment, meaning that none of your neighbors heard you go captain caveman on the tv. So yeah, you're welcome for making sure that you're spending the night at a police station."

"Go away Kyu," I grunted without looking up.

"Dude, GET OVER IT. Yes I lied to you. Yes I tricked you into signing a magically binding contract. Guess what? You're not the first. Love fairies pull this shit all the time, it's part of our job. Besides, you're making way to big a deal of this. Granted your manhood is technically on the line, but there is really nothing to worry about here. Just do as a say and you'll have fulfilled the contract in no time. Then I'll be out of your hair forever and you'll be a real lady killer; hell, you might actually enjoy yourself and be thanking me by the time you're done."

That last part caused me to look up and glare at the fairy, who took a precautionary step back. Not saying a word I got up from the bed and walked to my nightstand. Opening the drawer I pulled out a picture from inside and tossed it on the bed.

"Here."

Frowning she approached the bed and reached out to grab the picture.

"Is that...is that you as a kid?"

I didn't answer.

"Awww you look so adorable! Just look at those chubby cheeks," she laughed inspecting the image, "I'm guessing the woman who is probably struggling to hold you up is your mom. She's pretty cute; shame you didn't get her eyes, they're gorgeous. Which means that this guy—"

"Is my piece of shit dad, yeah," I cut her off.

"What?" She looked up from the picture.

"When I was four he walked out on us. Didn't even make some sort of excuse, like he was going to a trip or he was going to buy some cigarettes. He just left one day and didn't come back until 5 years later Showed up at the door like nothing had happened. Mom was willing to let him stay, hell I was too; I was actually going to have a dad again for once. And for a while it seemed like he was going to be a good dad. He took me to see ball games, he helped me with my homework, he even made me breakfast a few times. I was convinced that he had changed."

"Then one day when I came home early from school I found him screwing the neighbor on the couch."

"Oh..." Kyu said suddenly realizing where I was going.

"He told me that it was a one time thing, that she came on to him and that he wasn't thinking straight. He made me promise not to tell mom, saying that it would crush her, and he told me that it would never would happen again. Being the dumb kid that I was I believed him and didn't say a word. I really didn't want him to leave again, so I kept my mouth shut; and of course in the end it turned out he was just bullshitting because he did it again. And again. By the fourth time he probably realized that I wasn't going to believe him anymore so he just left again."

"Mom was crushed, as anyone would be; but what made it worse was that she knew everything that she had done. She just pretended to not know because she didn't want him to leave again. Do you know what it's like to see your mom just break down crying in the middle of the kitchen table with a coffee mug filled with scotch in hand? Don't answer that, because you don't. That's when I promised myself that I was never going to be like that worthless piece of shit bastard; and now you're basically telling me that I have no choice to be like that or be punished for the rest of my life. So yeah Kyu, I'm still pissed about the whole thing and quite frankly I think I have every right to be."

Once I finished I dropped back on my bed, letting out a tired sigh as I stared blankly at the ceiling. Kyu didn't say anything either, leaving the room in a long, awkward silence.

After a while she cleared her throat, "so...what happened to your old man after that?"

"Don't know, don't care. Haven't seen him since. I only kept that picture so that if he ever comes I'll be able to recognize him before decking him."

Silence.

"Look dude...I didn't want to...I mean come on, how was I suppose to know all this?"

"That doesn't change the situation."

"Give me a break, you expect me to know that your dad was a lying piece of shit that cheated on your mom? Sure maybe if I had known that I might have approached this different, but you can't hold me accountable for a purely hypothetical situation."

I sat up on the edge of the bed, "you wanna know what really boils my piss? The fact that you refuse to admit that you fucked up. You lied to me, you manipulated me, and know you are essentially forcing me to do whatever you want; and yet you insist that you did nothing wrong. I could understand—to some degree—if you were too deluded or too stupid to realize how big you fucked up, but you seem to understand completely. I don't give a shit that it's part of your job, what you did is still horrible; and you seem to not even care how I fell about all this."

"Okay now you're just being melodramatic; you're making me sound like some sort of stone cold bitch."

"And you're not?"

"Okay that—"

"You haven't even apologized for all the shit you've put me through Kyu. I'm not saying that would fix everything, but it would at least show that you have some level of remorse."

"...I do feel bad for putting you in this situation, knowing what I know now."

"That is still not an apology."

"Come on, it's basically—"

"No it isn't," I crossed my arms and glared at her, "see, this is exactly what I'm talking about. You refuse to do something as simple as saying your sorry. It's not even that hard."

"Well it is for us! Love fairies we...it's hard for us to admit that were wrong. We planned out this system for a reason: because it has proven to work. We're magical being that are supposed to be infallible, you think it's easy to admit when we fuck up?"

I sighed tiredly, "fine...whatever. I don't even know why I bother. Just leave me alone; I just want to go to bed and get this whole mess over with. The sooner I finish your program the sooner you leave right?"

"...that's harsh dude," she said quietly.

"You are the last person I want to hear that from. Now get out."

She didn't move, standing in front of me silently. After a while she let out a tired sigh before taking in a deep breath and tensing up. She clenched her fists and closed her eyes shut, her body trembling slightly.

"What are you doing?" I asked confused.

She didn't answer, her face getting red as if when was struggling to hold her breath.

Suddenly she opened her lips and managed to say through gritted teeth, "I'm...I'm ssssssssoooooorrrrryyyyy..."

She let out a massive gasp before collapsing on the bed face first and groaning into the pillow. I looked at her lying in my bed, genuinely surprised that just happened. I had thought she was just exaggerating when she said it was hard for her to apologize, but that looked like it physically hurt her. I was at a loss at what to say."

"By the way you don't have to forgive me if you don't want," she mumbled into the pillow, "Ill understand; but since we're still gong to be working together it would be for the best if you didn't completely hate me. If I had know all that before hand...well I would have figured out another way to the job done."

"Honesty would have been nice."

"The point is, I really do feel bad for what I've done. That's why I said...that."

I laid back on the bed, burying my face in my hands, "I guess that's something. I still don't forgive you though."

"Fair enough..."

"I don't hate you Kyu. I feel like I should, but I don't. I'm just extremely mad that you just completely fucked me over and as a result I'm going to have to live the same kind of life that destroyed my family; actually now that I think about it, I'm not entirely sure that I don't hate you."

"How about this? Let me make it up to you, at least in a small way."

"How?" I removed my hands and turned to see that she had lifter her head off the pillow and was looking at me.

"I can make you a promise."

"After all the shit you've but me through?"

"Just listen. Like I said, the contract is binding and you have to see it to the end. I can't do anything about that; but I can make sure that nobody gets hurt."

"What do you mean?"

"You said that you didn't want to be like your dad? You didn't want to hurt anyone like he hurt your mom? I can make sure that doesn't happen. I can promise you that no one will end up hurt by this, especially not any of the girls that you meet. Like I said, I have an actual incentive for you to succeed, and I meant it; having you constantly worry about hurting those around you will not be helpful for anyone. So trust me when I say I'll do everything I can to make sure that doesn't happen."

"...why should I trust you?"

"You don't have to, and I can't force you; but if you let me continue to help you then this will go much faster and smoother and then you'll be rid of me for good."

"...I'll think about it."

"Great, that's more than I could ask for. I'll just leave you alone then," she got up from the bed and made her way to the door, "and don't worry about the mess outside, it's all taken care of."

"Thanks..."

With that she walked out of the room, leaving me alone with my thoughts.

 _Fuuuuuuuuck now what do I do? I don't want to do this, but I also don't want to lose my dick. You would think that working with a magical sex obsessed fairy would be nothing but fun times, but noooo. Why me, why is it always me that gets caught up in this situations?_

 _"I can promise you that no one will end up hurt by this."_

 _Can I still trust Kyu? I mean she is right in that working with her would make this whole process much easier and smother; then again, she did lie to me before, what's to say she's not lying to me again? What should I do?_

 _What do I do..._

* * *

 **Author's note: yeah we're still doing this.**

 **So we're back with our protagonist and Kyu, who it turns out is not as great as she seems. You're probably wondering why I wrote this overdramatic chapter that wasn't in the game. Honestly I needed a viable reason why my character would constantly two time every women he meets, and having the "it's just a candy crush game" excuse didn't fit. I promise we'll get to the girls again in the next chapter.**

 **I know it's been a while since I uploaded anything, and I apologize for that. Not for the lack of upload, really I couldn't anything about that without sacrificing eat and sleep, but rather because I didn't I didn't let you guys know about it. I promise that I'll try to let you know when there will be extended delays from here on out.**

 **By the way there's going to be an extended delay for the next upload of To Change the Past. Sorry.**

 **As always leave comments and critiques below. Bye!**


	6. Fuck Lusty's!

""I still can't believe that you, of all people, suggested we go Lusty's," Hector said, looking around the group of people that we were currently standing in. It was a Saturday night, the "line" outside the club practically spilling out of the street and into the sidewalk.

"Yeah we thought you hated this place," Tom added.

 _I do hate this place._

"I don't hate this place, it's just not a place I want to come to a lot."

 _Or ever really._

"...okay man, what's her name?" Tom asked slyly.

"What?"

"You think we haven't noticed? These past few months you're been changing your look, like A LOT, and now suddenly you tell us that you have a table at Lusty's for the entire night? Be honest, there's a girl somewhere in there that you haven't told us about right?"

"Dude you got a girl? That's awesome!" Gus gave me an enthusiastic clap on my shoulder.

Grinning Tom put his arm around my other shoulder, "Come on, spit it out already. What's her name? Is she hot? Does she have hot friends? Please tell me she has hot friends and that she is bringing them here."

"Okay I'm going to stop you right there before you blow all over your pants. I don't have a girl in there waiting for me; I don't have a girl period. If I did you would all know it by now because I would have posted pictures it everywhere for people to see she was real."

"Okay yeah, that is true," Tom laughed letting me go.

"Tom is right though, you've definitely changed this past few months," Hector pointed out, "I mean since when do you use hair products? Or wear contacts? Or buy clothes that cost more than 40 dollars? Or man scape?"

"Look I just—wait, how do you know that last part?"

"We didn't want to say anything before but you had a serious problem with hairs sticking out from your shirt collar when you, apparently, didn't care all that much about your appearance," Hector coughed nervously while the other guys just nodded.

"Okay for the record I would appreciate it if you DID tell me about those things in the future."

"How about we make a deal? You tell us what's going on and we promise to do that," Tom winked.

I sighed and shook my head, "fine, I'll tell you guys; but you have to promise me that you won't laugh."

"I can not promise that."

"Dick," I scowled and slapped his chest. I paused for a second, trying my best to look and sound as embarrassed as possible like when I practiced with Kyu earlier, "I've been...going...to a class..."

"A class?" Hector raised his eyebrow.

I rubbed my arm and looked at the ground while shifting my feet, "You know...one of those classes to...meet girls..."

"Dude..."

"Look I was tired okay!?" I looked up, scrunching my face to seem angry, "I was sick and tired of always being the only one who could never get a girl, and always sucking at everything I do, and always being seen as just a joke and—"

"Okay, okay sorry!" Hector raised his hands in front of him, "I didn't mean it like that; just...I'm sorry."

"No, no, I shouldn't have reacted like that..."

 _Damn I'm good. I should have majored in acting._

"So tell us more about this...class," Hector carefully asked.

"I found about it through an add on the paper; it's just one of those classes where you essentially listen to a guy in a denim vest and tight pants talk about what girls really like and how to use that to your advantage while using words like "alpha male" and "peacocking" and others."

"And you willingly went to one of those?"

"Look I was desperate and they were offering 30% off. I figure I might as well try something different seeing how my previous strategy of doing absolutely nothing wasn't yielding any results."

"Fair enough," Hector shrugged.

"So which class did you sign up for?" Tom asked, "Was it "Secrets of Seduction with Master Nathan"?"

"What? No."

""Remedy for the Desperate with Dr. Wong"?"

"No."

""Destroy Desperation with—"

"Tom how many of these classes have YOU taken?"

"Hey we're talking about you here, not me..."

"Riiiight."

"Anyway just tells us the name already."

 _Crap, I didn't think this through. Quick, think of something!_

"It's called….Huniepop…with Kyu," I managed to cobble together in about a minute.

"Never heard of that one."

"It's pretty new and under the radar; there were only like 3 other people assisting the class."

"Also what kind of name is "Kyu"? I mean, that's a letter, not a name."

 _Oh I am SO using that…_

"Anyway we're here," I said, noticing that we had finally arrived at the front of the line. The bouncer in front was a large, bald headed man in a tight shirt; pretty much Vin Diesel with a more pronounced beer gut.

He lifted his clipboard and clicked his pen, "name?"

"Right here," I pointed at my name conveniently placed near the top of the list he was holding, "and I've got these four with me."

He nodded and wrote something down, "ID's?"

"Here you go," we handed them to him and waited as he checked each one closely. After making sure that everything was in order he gave them back and waved us into the dimly lit corridor; as we made our way through, I could hear the muffled sound of music slowly get louder and louder while the corridor got darker and darker. Eventually we reached the double doors at end, the music practically bursting them off its hinges. Just wanting to get the night over I pushed the doors open, and was immediately hit by a blast of music that almost left me deaf and enough strobing lights to make me see spots.

 _I HAAAAAAATE THIS PLACE._

"This way!" I signaled my friends towards my table. Once we took a seat a couple of employees brought forth two buckets filled with an assortment of booze and set them down on the table. I grabbed a bottle of whiskey and served a shot to everyone as well as myself; raising my glass I said, "bottoms up!"

"Here's to you getting your money's worth on those classes!" Tom cheered.

"Well we definitely got something out of it," Gus grinned.

We all laughed before clinking the glasses and drowning down our drinks.

 _All right, let's just get this over with,_ I discretely pulled out my phone and turned on the huniebee app, _just find me someone so that I can register them and get the fuck out of here._

I looked around, the place backed to the brim with people dancing the night away, probably because they were either drinking or on drugs (since there is no way people dance like that unless they are on something).

 _This shouldn't take too long,_ I poured myself a glass of whiskey and stirred it with some ice, _Saturday night at Lusty's is practically packed with woman. Someone's gotta be desperate enough to come home with me._

I took a sip of my scotch.

 _Any minute now._

I checked my phone to make sure the app was on. It was

 _Yep, any minute._

 _...okay what the actual fuck? Why am I still here?!_

"Hay man, are you actually gonna put those classes to use or are you just going to sit there all night looking at your phone?"

"Huh?" I broke out of my thoughts and saw Hector sitting across me alone, "wait, where did everybody go?"

"Gus went to the bathroom and I'm guessing Tom is going to try and get laid," Hector grabbed a beer and opened it, "so? Are you going to see if those classes work or are you going to see if they allow refunds?"

"Trust me, if they had refunds I would have gotten my money back ages ago," I responded bitterly finishing my drink.

"You okay man? You seem a little on edge."

"Just nervous," I lied putting down my glass, "like you guys said, tonight is when I see if I actually wasted my money or not. I'm just...waiting to find the right girl to try my new moves."

"Well the night is still young. Just relax."

I was about to respond when I noticed a familiar figure with brown hair and a red dress standing by the bar. She looked over at me and then winked at me.

"I think I just found someone," I grunted as I got up, "if I don't come back you guys can have the table for the rest of the night; just please make sure Tom doesn't break anything."

"You got it; and good luck to you," he raised his beer to me.

By the time I had reached Kyu at the bar two guys were already trying to put the moves on her; though judging by her bored expression and the way she was stirring her cocktail with her straw, she did not seem interested.

"Come on, let us buy you one drink."

"I already have a drink. See, right here."

"If you come with us to our table you can have more drinks, completely free."

"Tempting as that may sound, I'm not interested."

"Geez are you always such a prude or is tonight special?"

"Yeah I'm being annoyed by two meatheads that can't take a hint," seeing me standing behind the two men she quickly pushed in between them and latched onto my arm, "now if you'll excuse me I have some business to attend to."

As the two guys walked away—while muttering the word "bitch" and "whore" several times under their breath—Kyu let out a sigh of relief before letting me go, "thank god you came, those guys were so annoying. Dealing with people like that...well let's just say there's shit that even a love fairy doesn't like dealing with."

"Oh I don't know, seems to me like that they would be the perfect candidates for your little scheme," I shook her off my arm and leaned over the bar.

She narrowed her eyes at me, "The hell is that supposed to mean?"

"You know, guys willing to plow anything that moves without any sort of thought towards the consequences of their actions. I'm sure they could finish your stupid boot camp regime in no time."

"Well aren't you a fucking treat tonight."

"Oh I'm sorry, am I being rude? It's just that I'm still a little bitter over the fact that I have to spend the night in this place in order to make sure that my dick doesn't go dead fish on me for the rest of my life," I spat while rubbing my head in annoyance, "oh my god will they PLEASE cool it with the music?!"

Rolling her eyes Kyu snapped her fingers, causing the entire club to go mute; or at least for me, seeing how everyone else in the club was still going at it hard.

"There. I put us inside a sound proof bubble that is invisible to everyone else. Now are you going to change your attitude or are you going to keep complaining for the rest of the night? Because like I said before, there are things that even love fairies don't put up with, and pissy clients is up there."

"How about pissy hostages?"

"Fuck it, I don't have to deal with this shit. Dealing with those two guys from before would have been a better use of my time; you might as well just left me on my own."

"Yeah well I didn't help you out of the goodness of my heart; I did it because the damn app is busted and I need you to fix it so I can get this over with," I waved my phone in front of her.

She looked at the phone for about 5 seconds before frowning, "the hell are you talking about? The huniebee app is working perfectly."

"Oh really? Because last time I checked this place is packed to the walls with women—a good number of them drinking—and yet this thing has yet to do that stupid arrow thing that is supposed to tell me who I have the best chances with.

"See there's the thing: the app is not the problem, YOU are the problem."

"What?"

"Like I said before, the huniebee app locates girls that will react the most to one of the four basic traits; but it also takes in consideration the user—in this case you—and how well it thinks that said user will be able to deal with girls in different situation."

"In English."

"You are behaving like a moody little brat in a place filled with women who are having fun and enjoying being here. The huniebee isn't pointing you towards any of them because it knows that you're going to just going to crash and burn," she said crossing her arms.

"Well that just fucking perfect," I growled leaning on the bar.

Letting out a sigh she came next to me, "look dude you are clearly not in the right headspace right now and this is clearly the wrong place for you to meet someone. Why don't you just go home and wait until you are in a less sour mood? Also, maybe try a place that doesn't immediately piss you off next time. Remember, you just need to fulfill the contract whenever you can, there is no time limit here."

"I just want this to be done so that you can leave I can get on with my life."

"I'm going to ignore my hurt feelings and let that one slide, but you're really pushing your luck," she said thinly, "and if you really want to me gone that badly then I suggest you change your attitude; because as you are right now, no matter how much you want it, I seriously doubt there is a single girl in here that would even give you the time of day—"

She was suddenly cut off by my phone suddenly coming to life, a midnight blue arrow suddenly appearing and pointing to the side. We looked at each other for a moment before turning our attention to the direction the phone was pointing; standing just a few feet away from us where two girls, at most twenty, having some sort of argument. One had flaming red hair with silver highlights (which, admittedly, she was actually pulling off well I'm not gonna lie) and some sort of red/black lolita dress. She had a drink in hand and an exasperated on her face, which only seemed to get worse the more she talked to her friend. The other girl looked like she wanted to be anywhere else but there. Her expression behind her glasses shifted from bored to annoyed to just done with everything, her hair was barely straightened out, and she was wearing greyish white cut off shorts and a grey sweater that was about a size too big for her. But that wasn't what caught my attention; no what caught my attention was the twilight blue hair that I had DEFINETLY seen before.

"That's the girl from the coffee shop!" I snapped my fingers upon remembering.

"You know her?"

"I know that she works there and that that's to her I got a chance to talk to Lola. Other than that, I got nothing. Man, what are the odds that I would find her here?"

"You'd be surprised how these things work. She's kinda cute...I think; it's a bit hard to tell, that sweater makes it impossible for me to judge her assets. On the plus side her hair's pretty cool and unlike you she can actually pull of the nerdy look with those glasses."

Letting that last part slide I continued, "well if she's the one the hunibee app says I have the best chance with then might as well give it a shot. Now if I could only get close enough to hear what they were saying..."

Kyu snapped her fingers again and suddenly we could hear both girls talking as if they were standing right in front of us.

"Audrey can we leave NOW?" The blue haired girl asked impatiently.

"Calm down Nick, we just got here," the red haired girl responded with equal impatience.

"What kind of name is Nick for a girl?" Kyu asked.

"At least it's not a letter," I muttered under my breath.

"What was that?"

"Just got here? We've been here at least an hour," the "Nick" girl whined.

 _I feel your pain._

"Don't be such a downer! Loosen up a little! Look, I'll buy you a drink," Audrey signaled one of the bartenders, "what do you want?"

"I don't want anything," she waved the bartender away, "I'm not old enough to drink."

"They don't care!" The red haired girl snorted.

 _That is true._

"Okay, oh my god! Why so you do this EVERY FUCKING TIME?!" Audrey threw her hands in the air exasperated, "can you just chill out for once and like have fun?!"

 _To be fair, you aren't exactly making it easy on the poor girl._

"This isn't fun; everyone here is a complete douchebag!"

 _She's not wrong._

"I told you I didn't want to come here and you dragged me anyway! Just like last time," Nik whined.

"Because you can't just sit in your room all day! You need to fucking exist or something!"

"I don't sit in my room all day!"

"You know what? Fuck this! Do whatever the hell you want I don't care. Go. Leave!"

"How am I supposed to leave? I came with you."

"That sound like it's not my problem. You can either get a cab, call an uber, walk, or wait for me; and knowing your broke ass, you're going to have to choose between the last two. So enjoy waiting here all night like a loser; I'M going to go do something we normal people call "have fun." Later dweeb!" The girl in red laughed before walking away and flipping her off.

"Fucking piece of shit..." The blue haired girl muttered while flipping her off with both hands. After that she simply leaned over on the bar with her head buried in her hands, trying to close herself off from everyone and everything around her. I looked down at the huniebee and saw that the arrow was still pointing at her direction.

 _Oh thank god._

"Aw shit. I was afraid we would run into one of these...is what I would usually say; but tonight, she's perfect for you," Kyu said.

"What are you talking about?"

"Well it doesn't look like she's a fan of people, and you've been a giant tool for most of the night, so you two are perfect for each other. So, go nuts; your shit attitude might actually pay off here. Just keep acting like a man child that hates everything around him and you two will probably hit it off."

"How about you give me some actual advice here, coach? I thought this was supposed to be your area of expertise, but so far you've done jack shit except give me lip; some love fairy you turned out to be," I growled angrily.

"Okay, how about this?" She downed her drink in one go before putting the glass down and looking me dead in the eye, "go to hell."

"Kyu I swear to—hey wait, I'm talking to you!" I called out as she began walking away. Without even breaking her stride she quickly turned around and clasped her hand over her bicep and pointing her other fist upward before disappearing completely.

"God damn it!" I swore slamming my hand against the bar, "fuck this, and fuck her!"

 _Shit, this is bad. If I keep this up I'm going to get kicked out of this fucking place before I can even talk to that girl. I need to calm down, just calm down,_ I looked at my phone, still flashing the blue arrow, before putting it down and looking at the girl again, who hadn't moved from her place, _all right, she's in the same shit mood as I am. How to approach this?_

 _"Sometimes when a girl is in a shit mood, the best thing you can do is try and sympathize with them. Show them that you see that they are having a bad time and then show yourself as a possible sympathetic ear."_

 _...here goes nothing_ , I took a deep breath to calm myself down and then made my way to where she was.

"You look like you would rather be anywhere else," I said once I was at her side.

"No shit, what gave it away," she snapped back without even looking up.

 _Well this is off to a fantastic start._

"Trust me, I know the feeling. I can't really stand this place myself."

She raised her head towards me, narrowing her eyes, "then why are you here?"

Without missing a beat, I lied, "I got a few friends that can be very persuasive; and by persuasive I mean they won't stop annoying me unless I agree to go out with them whenever I can't come up with a viable excuse to ditch them. I usually just stand here by the bar for like an hour and then just call an uber."

"Well whoop-de-do for you, but not all of us are so lucky," she grumbled annoyed, "look, why are you talking to me?"

"Like I said, I pretty much just wait here by the bar before I leave but I thought I would at least try talking to someone. You know, try to pass the time."

She sighed, "sorry but...could you leave? I don't feel like putting up with any more bullshit tonight, I already had enough. There are plenty of other girls in this club that you can talk to."

"That's true, but I'm not really interested in talking to those girls," I said half honestly.

"And what's so interesting about me?" She asked impatiently.

 _I don't fucking know, the stalker app giving to me by a bitch fairy picked you; so just give me a break so that I can get out here already! Damnit no, calm down. Just calm down._

I shrugged, "I don't know. Just thought you seemed interesting. Maybe it's because you seem to hate this place as much as I do. Maybe I just thought your hair looked cool; I gotta ask, is it natural?"

She raised her eyebrow, "seriously? Yeah, I have naturally blue hair, because that's a thing," she said, her tone oozing of sarcasm.

 _I mean I know a girl with natural pink hair so you never know._

"Look I know what you are trying to do here, and I'm not interested. I just want to be alone, please."

 _This is a bust. Might as well just leave._

"All right. Sorry to bother you," I said calmly and walked away with the familiar sense of rejection and failure coming over me; actually, no, that was just my body telling me I had to pee. Guess all that booze finally caught up to my bladder.

 _Well this night has sucked a giant horse cock,_ I thought to myself miserably as I walked into the bathroom and used the urinal, _I came to this dump, I pissed off Kyu, and the one girl I might have actually had a chance with completely blew me off,_ I finished and began washing my hands, _fuck it, I'm done; this night has been nothing but problems for me. I'm just going to get and uber, get into bed and—where's my phone?_

I patted my right pocket again, only to find it completely empty. I then did the same with my left and back pocket, but only found my wallet and apartment keys.

 _Shit, shit, shit!_ I ran out of the bathroom and back towards the bar where I was standing earlier, signaling the nearest bartender to get closer, "excuse me but I think I may have left my phone here. Please tell me you or someone else found it."

"We got a lost and found box where we pool anything we find," he grunted pulling out a medium size box from behind the counter, "help yourself."

I immediately stated digging through several wallets, cellphones, panties (seriously?) all while swearing up a storm while doing so. Finally—and miraculously— I managed to find my phone among all the others. With a quick thank you I handed the box back to the bartender and opened the Uber app, ready to call for a ride.

"Hey..."

I turned around to see the blue haired girl from before standing next to me, shuffling her foot from side to side.

"Yes?" I asked, genuinely confused as to why she was talking to me given how our previous conversation had gone.

"...it's Nikki..."

 _What?_

"My name...it's Nikki."

"Oh...nice to meet you?" I still had no idea what was going on.

"I'm sorry about before; I may have been too quick to judge. Force of habit. I'm normally not the type of girl that...like...talks to people or whatever."

 _Yeah no kidding._

"I really hate places like this. All of the loud noises and people put me on edge; and it doesn't help that every two minutes someone is either trying to cop a feel or offer me drugs. Guess that's just what happens when you're "friends" with the biggest bitch in town. I'd leave if I could, but unfortunately that bitch is my ride home. That's why I...snapped at you earlier. Sorry."

"Don't mention it. Question though: why did you come over to talk to me?"

She bit her lip nervously, "I...I didn't know what else to do. I wanted to camp out in the women's bathroom, but it smells too much like piss and shit; and no matter how much I try to show that I'm not interested, douchebags keep coming up to me and breathe down my neck. I was hoping they would leave me alone if it looked like I was...with someone."

"Why me though?"

"You're the only one that talked to me first instead of trying to grind on my ass."

 _Fair enough._

"So basically you're just talking to me so that you don't have to deal with anyone else here until your friend is ready to go?"

"...yeah..."

"...sure why not?" I shrugged.

She looked at me surprised, "wait seriously?"

"Like I said before, I don't like this place and I'm only here because of my friends. If my choices are between drinking alone, getting rejected repeatedly during the night, or talking to you, then it's no contest. Though now that I think about it I could also just go home and play—" I stopped myself when I realized that I was beginning to ramble and might have said too much.

She cocked her head, "play what?"

 _...ah what the hell, it's not like I'm actually going to do anything with her._

"Play games. Video games, mostly."

 _Man if Kyu was here—and if she wasn't pissed at me right now—she would be livid. Who talks about video games with a girl they just—_

"What kind of games do you like?"

My train of though was immediately cut off, "sorry?"

"You said you liked playing video games. So, what kind of games do you play?" She asked with a hint of impatience yet still sounding completely genuine in knowing my answer, "wait...don't tell me you're one of those guys that just plays first person shooters and sports games."

I snorted, "fuck no. Do I look like someone who would willingly buy an xbox?"

She laughed. It was only for a few seconds, sounded like a loud snort, and once she realized what she did she stopped and looked a bit embarrassed, but it she definitely laughed; and honestly, it was actually pretty cute.

Suddenly seeing an opportunity I decided to go for it, "honestly I'm more of a traditionalist. I prefer older types game play like dungeon crawlers, RPGs, puzzle solving, and sometimes just a good old fighting game."

"Fighting game? Really?"

"Yeah I pretty much grew up in old school arcades. I would either spend what little pocket money I had or trick some sap into playing against me while they were playing. My favorite was the Marvel vs Capcom series: I could pretty much destroy anyone with the Hulk."

"The Hulk? Pfft, and here I was about take you seriously," she shook her head, though her tone was actually light and playful.

"I'm sorry, but you have a problem with my man the Hulk?" I raised my eyebrow at her.

"Oh no it's fine. If winning at all costs is what you care about then I guess playing as the Hulk suits you."

"I mean that is the point of fighting games..."

"Yes but some of us still care about winning through skill, cultivating tactics and combos though years of talent; refining them to a tee with a character that fits so perfectly that it's almost as if you two were actually one—"

"You pick Dante don't you?"

"W-What?!"

 _That's a yes._

 _"_ S-So what if I do?! He's got great attacks and killer combos."

"And the fact that he's a half demon supermodel with anime white hair has nothing to do with it?" I asked slyly.

"N-No! Of course not! I m-mean not r-really—" she stammered turning beat red.

 _That's DEFINETLY a yes._

"Hey...do you want a drink? You know, since this conversation seems like it could go for a while," I asked.

She frowned slightly, "I don't really drink."

I signaled the bartender, "two cokes please."

He nodded and pulled two glass bottles from the fridge behind them and popped them open, setting them in front of us; I grabbed them both and offered one to Nikki.

"Oh you meant...yeah sure I'll take it," she grabbed the bottle with a smile small.

Suddenly feeling much more relaxed took a swig before continuing, "so about how you are totally wrong about playing as the Hulk—"

* * *

"Oh come on; you can't be serious," she rolled her eyes, "The best fighting games are, in order, the Street Fighter series, the Mortal Kombat series, the Marvel vs Capcom series, and then the Smash Bros series."

We were still sitting at the bar, our conversation having gone through quite the loop since we started. We had gone through best characters in Marvel vs Capcom (Hulk), followed by discussing which games did and did not deserve remakes (Earthworm Jim/Bubsy), a betting pool of when the remake of FFVII would actually come out (2020), whether or not Cuphead was bullshit (it totally is), and then just listing a few of our favorite games; however, that soon devolved into a ranking of fighting games when I mentioned that preferred Super Smash Brothers Brawl over Ultimate Street Fighter 3.

"I'm sorry, but you are totally wrong. For one thing, you put Street Fighter way too high and Smash Bros way to low; because unlike Capcom, Nintendo actually knows how to keep their flagship fighting game good and fun instead of a gimmicky mess. It's just a fact," I shrugged.

She laughed and shook her head, "I can not even have this conversation; there's no comparison!"

"I agree with you; though probably not in the way you want me to."

She was about to continue when suddenly her phone began ringing. Frowning she pulled it out of her pocket, her eyes suddenly going wide, "holy shit, it's that late already!? We've been talking about this for hours!"

"Is that a bad thing?" I asked tentatively.

"N-No..not really," she coughed, "I mean...I didn't hate it. Honestly this is the most I've enjoyed at Lusty's; though that's not much of a hurdle to pass."

"Same here. I guess tonight wasn't as awful as I thought it would be," I smiled.

"...hey, can I see you phone for a bit?"

"Oh? Yeah sure," I said slightly surprised, unlocking my phone and handing it to her.

She grabbed it, hesitating for a second before beginning to type down something slowly, pausing every now and then. Eventually she finished and game me back my phone. Looking down I saw that there was a number in the screen.

 **373-321-224**

"You can...you know...call me sometime. If you want...or whatever," she mumbled as she got up.

"Really?"

She nodded quickly, unable to look me in the eye, "you seem...cool. And not in the conceited douchebag way. I guess I wouldn't mind hanging out...sometime...or whatever."

Pulling myself out of my shock I nodded, "okay. I mean, yeah, I give you a call sometime."

"Cool. Well...bye," she gave me small smile before leaving.

 _I can't believe that just happened. I wasn't even trying to get her number anymore. I mean...good for me I guess. Maybe Kyu was right; maybe I need to change my attitude about all of this if I want to get through this. Ah who am I kidding, of course Kyu is right; and I treated her like shit._

Sighing I typed in Nikki's number into the huniebee app under "add contact." A few seconds late a picture of Nikki popped up with her information on the side.

 **Nikki Ann-Marie**

 **Age: 18**

 **Height: 5'0**

 **Weight: 104 lbs**

 **Hair color: Blue**

 **Eye color: Blue**

 **Hobby: Gaming**

 **Favorite color: Beige cream**

 **Favorite drink: Beer**

 **Bra size: C cup**

 **Most desired trait: Talent**

 **Least desired trait: Sexuality**

 **Libido: Conservative**

 _I guess I should call Kyu—_ My thoughts were cut off by my phone beginning to ring, Kyu's number flashing on the screen, _ask and you shall receive._

I hit the respond button, "hello?"

"I see you manage to hook her in after all. Congrats."

"Kyu what did we say about peeping on me without consent?" I said jokingly.

"I have a direct link to your phone through the huniebee idiot," she snapped back, clearly not in the mood to joke around, "anyway, two down and only six more to go. At this rate you'll be rid of me before the year is over; and really that's what you want, isn't it?"

I felt a twang of guilt through my gut, "Kyu about what I said—"

"No it's fine, I get it. I'm just some lying bitch that makes everyone's life miserable all the time right? You only tolerated me because of that stupid contract, didn't you? If it weren't for the penalty you would have kicked me out on the curb the moment you got Lola's number."

"That's not—"

"No it's fine, I get it," she laughed bitterly, "that's just how it is isn't it? I did this to myself. I'm just that fucking stupid. I'm just a stupid fairy that is apparently only good for giving out advice on getting chicks; and now you don't even need me for that anymore. You're doing just fine on your own, even when you are acting like a complete dick weed. You don't even need me around anymore. Maybe I'll just stay out of your way so that you never have to see me again until you're done. Maybe I'll be able to do SOMETHING right for the first time."

She hung up before I could even respond. After a moment of shock I quickly dialed her number and called her, only for it to go straight to voicemail. I stood there in silence, all of my good mood gone and replaced by a deep sense of guilt and feeling like utter shit.

 _Fuuuck...I didn't realize how bad it was. I mean...yeah Kyu lied to me, she forced me into a binding contract, and I have every right to be angry at her. Yeah...yeah that's right! Why should I feel bad? She DID bring this unto herself. She tricked me and I have every right to be pissed. I'm not in the wrong here, she is!_

 _Yeah._

 _Yep._

 _Do not feel guilty at all._

 _No sir._

… _.god damnit,_ I cursed mentally as I opened up Google and began typing.

* * *

 **Author's note: it's aliiive! The fic that I haven't touched in eight months yet, for some strange reason, got a sudden surge of followers sometime in mid August/September. Did I miss something? Did they announce a sequel (a proper one) while I was away? Oh my god...DID THEY ANNOUNCE THAT THEY ARE MAKING AN OFFICIAL "HUNKIEPOP" GAME?! ...probably not. :(**

 **Anyway, after quite a while we have returned to the adventures of our nameless protagonists and his fairy sidekick, now with our second girl who happens to be a fan favorite...gamer girl Nikki! Gee, I wonder why she is so popular? But what's this? It seems like not everything is sunshine and happiness in this world. Oh wait, we already knew that from the last chapter. Oh well, I guess we're continuing with that for now. You would think that a fanfic based on a dating sim/puzzle game would be more, you know, fun? But I guess I just can't have nice things, can I?**

 **In all seriousness, the reason why it took so long for this chapter to come out, besides the usual real life responsibilities and prioritizing my other two fics, is that I had a bit of trouble writing the main character this time. Why? Well because, as you saw, he is quite unpleasant in this chapter; and truth be told, I just don't like writing mean and unpleasant people as my main characters (even if it is justified). Will he stay like this? I hope not, but we will have to wait and see.**

 **There is one last thing I wanted to talk about. I month ago I came across a game called, "Doki Doki Literature Club" and...oh my god. I have...no words. Like, it's the most surreal game I have ever played. And the thing is...I kinda want to write a fic about it. I know, I know, I have already so much in my plate but...I mean you just have to experience it yourself in order to get it. But I understand what taking in ANOTHER project would entail so, I ask you: should I give it a shot? Or should I just try to push these ideas to the wayside for now (and realistically for a long time)? Well whatever I decide to do, I will say this: CHECK THAT GAME OUT. Do not go into forums or discussions, just experience the game. Play it or watch a let's player complete it for the first time, it doesn't matter. Though, before you do, be sure to check out the content warning in order to see if you can actually experience its contents. Trust me, it WILL leave an impact on you (and not necessarily a good one).**

 **As always leave comments and critiques below. See you next time!**


	7. I'm Slightly Better at Apologies

"Yo, wake up...wake up…helloooooo? Up and at 'em...WAKE THE FUCK UP!"

"Gah!" My eyes shot open, followed by a my head feeling as if it had been hit with a mallet while I was asleep. Rubbing my eyes I saw Kyu standing in front of me, arms crossed and tapping her foot impatiently.

"Nice of you to finally wake up."

"Well cock a doodle doo to you too," I muttered leaning my head back to try and dull the pain, only for me to notice that I wasn't in my bed but rather sitting in a chair; looking around I saw that we were currently in my kitchen, which was a complete mess, "the hell happened here?"

"How should I know? You're the one who told me to come here," she shrugged pulling out her phone.

"I did?"

She opened her inbox and showed me a text from my number.

 **Hey I know you are pissed but I want to talk. Meet me in the kitchen in the morning.**

"Oh yeah, I did write that," I said, everything coming back to me, "it's been a looong night and I think I only got about an hour of sleep."

"Jesus, how drunk were you last night?"

"Actually, not that much," I stretched myself before getting off the chair and checking my phone, "thought I think the same can't be said about my friends. Look at this, 32 pictures from Gus and most of them are him in the bathroom."

"Mmmhm," Kyu leaned on the counter unimpressed, "so? Why did you call me here? Gonna brag about how you managed to get in some tail without my help AND while acting like a complete dickhead?"

"No that's not—"

"I get it, you are already much better at this than I am, even though less than a year ago you were just some looser weirdo who could barely talk to a girl without looking like an idiot."

"If you would just let me—"

"Go ahead, say it, I know you're just dying too; I'm a shit love fairy—"

"Will you shut up for a second?!" I snapped irritably, causing her to stop talking, Realizing how that came out, I sighed and calmed down before talking again, "look, I just want to talk. I'm not here to brag about anything, and I'm don't want to be a dick—"

"Great job so far..."

"The point is," I continued ignoring that last jab, "I just want to talk about what happened last night; and how it was probably uncalled for me to treat you the way I did."

"Probably?"

"Don't push it."

"...all right, I'm listening."

I paused for a while, collecting my thoughts before I continued, "okay look. Last night I was still angry. I was angry that you tricked me, I was angry that you lied to me, and I was angry that you generally screwed me over; it did not help that I was currently in a very loud place that I absolutely hated and did not want to be in. So, when you showed up I just decided to take out all of my frustrations on you simply because you were there, and that...that wasn't right."

Kyu didn't say anything.

"I guess...no, I KNOW that I still had a lot of unresolved anger towards you that I kept to myself. That was not a smart idea, seeing how it all just kept piling on until it just came out all at once; but that's no excuse for what I did, or at least I don't want it to be. I...I don't like being an asshole."

She raised her eyebrow.

"Okay fine, I DO like being a snarky, sarcastic asshole, I just don't like being...what I was last night. I was just...mean and unpleasant; and I don't like that."

"I don't know, seemed to work out for you in the end," she muttered looking down.

"I didn't get the girl at first Kyu; hell, she completely blew me off and I was ready to call it quits and just get back to the apartment."

"Wait, then how did you get her number?"

"Honestly? Pure luck. I forgot my phone at the bar and when I went to get it she came up and started talking to me. Since I had basically given up and wasn't really looking to get her number anymore I just talked to her normally and held off from acting like an asshole; and it worked."

"What did you talk about?"

"Video games, mostly."

She groaned, "dude, really?"

"Hey I said I had given up on getting her number; and anyway, it worked out in the end didn't it?"

"I guess."

"The point is, the only reason I got her number was because I stopped acting like a colossal ass for about 5 minutes, which was enough to not send her away while flipping the bird. In other words, you were right."

She didn't say anything.

"I'm not saying this so that you'll forgive me, and then I forgive you for everything, and then we have a nice cry while we hug it out. I'm saying this because I realized that treating you like dog shit is not going to help either of us. You want me to succeed in this program of yours, and I want to ensure that I keep my dick functioning; I think it would be best for the both of us, especially me, if we at least tried to be on each other's good side."

"Wait, are you apologizing?"

"I'm trying."

"No offense, but you're not very good at it," she smirked.

"Look who's talking."

"I'm a love fairy; what's your excuse?"

"I'm an asshole."

She snorted out a laugh before shaking her head, "okay, that was good, I'll give you that much."

"...I'm sorry."

She stopped laughing and looked at me again.

"About last night. I shouldn't have taken it out on you the way I did. I'm still mad that you lied to me, and I'm still mad about the mess you put me in, but treating you like crap isn't going to fix anything. I want this contract done with, less because I want you gone my life and more simply because I don't like the idea of being impotent for the rest of my life. I still need your help Kyu; and, more importantly, I still want your help."

She didn't respond, her eyes moving around the room as if she was trying to think of what to say next. I simply waited patiently for her to say something, though I could feel the awkwardness starting to build around us.

Eventually she let out a long sigh before talking, "not gonna lie, some of that stuff you said last night really hurt. I may not be the most in tune with other people's feelings, but that doesn't mean I'm an emotionless block of ice; that being said...I'm also not deluded enough to say that some of it wasn't well deserved. Like I said, if I had known the circumstances around you, I would have tried to approach this whole thing another way."

"So what do you say? Wanna try and move this forward?"

"Depends. Am I going to have to put up with you being an ass like last night again in the future?"

"I promise I won't go beyond the level of snark and bark I usually give off," I responded sincerely.

"Fair enough, I can live with that," she shrugged before smiling at me.

"Good," I smiled back.

"Now is there any reason this lovely conversation couldn't be done in your comfortable room after you took a much needed shower; because you smell of booze and fading cologne," she wrinkled her nose in disgust.

"There is one more thing," I got up and opened the oven, pulling out the surprise I had been working on up until an hour ago.

"Oh...my god...you can't be serious," Kyu buried her face in her hand, trying her best not to laugh.

In front of me I was holding a plate with a small, round red velvet cake in the middle. It was barely bigger than a cupcake, with store bought pink frosting on top and a "Sorry" and sad face clumsily written in blue frosting.

"You were saying about me sucking at apologies?" I grinned.

"This...this is the corniest shit I have ever seen," she said in between laughs.

"Don't push it or I might just cut this into a heart shape," I teased.

"Oh god please don't; pretty sure that alone will give me diabetes."

"Well whenever you feel like killing that figure of yours, it's right here," I placed the plate on the counter, "now if you will excuse me I need to take a long shower, followed by and even longer nap."

"Wait, one question: what would you have done with the cake if I didn't accept your apology?" Kyu asked.

"What else? Eat it. Either way, I still end up winning one way or another," I stuck out my tongue playfully.

"All right wise guy, just go to bed," she began pushing me out of the kitchen, "we still got a lot of work to do and as you are right now you aren't going to make it any easier. We have to plan our next move, and we need to plan it carefully; I doubt you're going to have the same luck twice in a row."

"I don't know, I seem to be on a hot streak lately; I think my luck is finally turning around."

She stopped pushing me for a moment though her hands still pressed on my back. Before I could ask her what was wrong, she wrapped her arms around my chest and squeezed hard.

"Thanks..."

I smiled, "no problem; but just so we're clear, you are still not off the hook."

"Yeah, yeah, I know."

"…you smell nice."

"And you ruined it," she let go and gave me one last push out the kitchen, "go clean up and take the rest of the day off; we continue tomorrow."

 _Good, because I could really use a break_ , I sighed internally before going in my room.

* * *

 **Author's note: Well this is a pleasant surprise.**

 **Yes sir, we are back with another chapter of "Love is a Game" and for once it's not some sort of angry, bitter entry. After two chapters of bickering, insults, and general unpleasantness, our hero and Kyu have finally buried the hatchet between them. Sort of. In any case they are back in good terms with each other, meaning that the rest of this love quest should go smoothly for our protagonist. Right? Right?**

 **But yeah, relatively short chapter this time, hence the fast update since my last post. Don't get too used to it though, because next up is "To Change the Past" and boy oh boy is it a doozy.**

 **As always leave any comments and critiques below. Until next time. Byeeeee!**


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